Peter's Two Dads Quotes
O'Brian McFinnegan: Whose leg do you have to hump to get a pint of Guinness around here?
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 25th, 2007Stewie Griffin: Come on, discipline me! Make me wear panties, rub dirt in my eye, violate me with a wine bottle ... my God, I really do have problems, don't I?
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 25th, 2007 Stewie Griffin: I haven't been this scared since Mother Teresa OD'd in my car.
[cut to Stewie driving, Mother Teresa in the back seat, passed out with vomit running down her chin. Two other guys are there as well]
Man 1: She is messed up, man!
Stewie Griffin: Shut up! Just shut up! Let me f**king think! [he drives up to a hospital] Push her out.
Man 2: We can't leave her alone.
Stewie Griffin: Push the bitch out!!
Brian Griffin: Peter, what are you doing?
Peter Griffin: Crack.
Brian Griffin: What the f**k?!
Peter Griffin: Hey, at least I'm not drinking, Brian.
Brian Griffin: Yeah, this isn't exactly a good substitute. Where'd you get crack?
Peter Griffin: From Black's.
Brian Griffin: What?
Peter Griffin: Yeah, right behind Black's Hardware store. There's a white guy selling it.
Meg Griffin: I can't believe Grandpa's dead.
Lois Griffin: Well, he did kinda treat us like crap, but yes, it is a tragedy.
Brian Griffin: It is a tragedy.
Lois Griffin: Excuse us.
Brian Griffin: Yeah, we'll be right back.
[Lois and Brian go out on the lawn where they jump for joy. They high-five, then Brian grabs Lois' breasts and wags his tail. Lois smacks him into the garbage cans, then they go back inside]
Lois Griffin: We're all gonna miss him.
Brian Griffin: Tragic.
Peter Griffin: Dad, I'm so sorry I broke all your ribs and busted your spleen and punctured your lung. I... don't know if you can hear me right now, but... I hope you know... I love you, Dad.
Francis Griffin: Peter... come closer. There's something... I need to say to you.
Peter Griffin: I'm here, Dad. What is it?
Francis Griffin: Peter... you're a fat, stinking drunk!
Peter Griffin: Oh, my God, he's dead! He can't be dead! There's gotta be something I can do. Maybe I'll bury him in the Pet Cemetery.
Stewie Griffin: I'm entitled to these things, Lois, especially after I got shafted by that Asian Santa at the mall.
[cut to Stewie on an Asian Santa's lap]
Asian Santa: What you want?! What you want for Christmas?!
Stewie Griffin: Um, I was thinking maybe one of those old-timey...
Asian Santa: Too late! Take too long! Sad Christmas!
Glenn Quagmire [to Meg's friends]: So, which one of you wants to lose your virginity?
• Vote for this Quote! • July 25th, 2007 Lois Griffin: So, Meg, your birthday's coming up, huh? You excited about turning...... huh?
Peter Griffin: Uh, Meg, uh, I got 16 candles for your birthday cake. How does that sound?
Meg Griffin: That's not right.
Peter Griffin: So, less... more... too many... uh, not enough... ?
Meg Griffin: You stupid son of a bitch! You don't even know how old I am!
Lois Griffin: Meg, that kind of language is not appropriate for a girl your age... or is it?
Meg Griffin: I'm gonna be 17, you jerks!
Peter Griffin: She's the jerk.
