Road to Europe Quotes
Stewie Griffin: [after finding out Jolly Farm is fake] I feel like such a fool. Don't even look at me!
Brian Griffin: Hey, come on. You want to get some ice cream? That would make you feel better, right? You want to get some McDonald's? Wanna take a dump in Mother Maggie's shoes?
Stewie Griffin: [nods]
Brian Griffin: Okay. Lets go take a dump in Mother Maggie's shoes.
Meg Griffin: Jolly Farm is on, Stewie. Don't you want to watch?
Stewie Griffin: No. The Stewie who loved Jolly Farm is dead. Meet the Stewie who loves funky fruit hats!
Lois Griffin: Peter, are you ever gonna forgive me?
Peter Griffin: Lois, I am obligated to keep loving you, so I will take my rage out on my own body. Let's go to Denny's.
Stewie Griffin: I think... the only reason we die is t--
Brian Griffin: Dude, dude, I know what you're gonna say, and I am so completely -
Stewie Griffin: Wait, wait, wait, wait. shhshhshhh. The only reason we die... is because we accept it as an inevitability.
Brian Griffin: Do you think I'll ever find the right woman?
Stewie Griffin: Oh, God, I... yes, man. Come on, dude, you're great.
Lois Griffin: Why is everybody glaring at us?
Peter Griffin: Why, Lois? I'll tell you why. Your-your faux-pas last night at the concert was so upsetting I had to call a university professor to tell me what phrase I should use to describe it.
[cut to last night; Peter is on the phone]
Professor: Use, "faux-pas".
Peter Griffin: Thanks, Professor!
Peter Griffin: You've been living a lie all these years. You represented yourself as a KISS fan, and why? To make me look foolish.
Lois Griffin: No, to make you happy. I wanted to share in all aspects of your life, Peter, but I've just was never that big of a KISS fan.
Peter Griffin: Yeah, I should have guessed that when you were willing to dress up as Peter Criss. No one wants to be Peter Criss, Lois, not even Peter Criss!
Munich Tour Guide: You will find more on Germany's contributions to the arts in the pamphlets we have provided.
Brian Griffin: Yeah, uh, about your pamphlet... uh, I-I'm not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's just a big gap.
Tour guide: Everyone was on vacation! On your left is Munich's first city hall, erected in 15...
Brian Griffin: Wait, wait, wait, w-what are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939 and...
Tour Guide: We were invited! Punch was served! Check with Poland!
Brian Griffin: Wait, you can't just ignore those years. Thomas Mann fled to America because of Nazism's stranglehold on Germany.
Tour Guide: Nope, nope. He left to manage a Dairy Queen.
Brian Griffin: A Dairy Queen? That's preposterous.
Father: No more balloon for you! I am sick of you tooling around the village in that thing, honking at the girls blasting your 1980s American rock music that we got here last week.
Son: But father...
Father: Go to your palace!
Brian Griffin: Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
Stewie Griffin: Ugh, yes, just wait until they have to suffer through Jesus Jones. Pee-yew!
Brian Griffin: Not that. The balloon!
Arabic Merchant : Hey Americans! You like movies? I've got "Dude My Car Is Not Where I Parked It, But Praise Allah We Are Not Hurt"!
• Vote for this Quote! • July 9th, 2007 Brian Griffin: Great, I'm stuck on a trans-Atlantic flight with a petulant runaway. How could this get any worse?
Andy Rooney: You know what I hate about flying? The peanuts. First of all, you can't get 'em open. Who are they trying to keep out of these things?
Jerry Seinfeld: And what's the deal with the razor blade slot in the bathroom? Are people actually shaving in there?
Andy Dick: Hi, Andy Dick here. Excuse me, I've got to get my bag up in the overhead bin here.
Peter Griffin: HEY, YO LOIS!
Lois Griffin: WHAT?
Peter Griffin: I'm packing for Kiss-stock and I can't find my favorite underwear.
Lois Griffin:You mean the pair with the rip in the right butt check from when you stepped on them pulling them up in that airplane bathroom from when you had the trotts?
Peter Griffin: No, no the pair with the whole in the left butt check from when I held it in for two hours 'cause it was that extra long Palm Sunday church sermon and I thought blowing gas would offend Jesus so I let it go in the vestibule after mass and it sounded like Louie Armstrong.
Lois Griffin: Oh! Bottom drawer.
