Road to Rupert Quotes
Brian Griffin: How are we gonna get out of here?
Stewie Griffin: You still got the starting gun?
Brian Griffin: Yeah.
Stewie Griffin: Give it to me.
[a car approaches]
Stewie Griffin: [holding the driver at gunpoint]: GET OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR! GET OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR RIGHT NOW, MAN!
Driver: OH, JESUS!
Stewie Griffin: GET OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR!
Driver: OH, MY GOD!
Stewie Griffin: DO IT! GO! DO IT OR I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR!
Brian Griffin: Did we just carjack someone?
Stewie Griffin: We sure did, Brian. We sure did.
Brian Griffin: Look, Stewie, don't you think at some point you're gonna have to let Rupert go? I mean, you are getting a little old to have a teddy bear.
Stewie Griffin: Brian, I'm one!
Brian Griffin: Still?
Stewie Griffin: What?
Brian Griffin: Look, I'm not going to Colorado. I'm turning around and going home.
Stewie Griffin: Fine, then, I'll go by myself. See you from the back of my milk carton. Want that on your conscience, Brian? Try explaining this to Lois. You'll wind up in a Dumpster with a bunch of slow, un-adoptable greyhounds.
Brian Griffin: Don't joke about that! That's like the Holocaust to us!
Stewie Griffin: Yeah, well, when greyhounds start running The New York Times and the World Bank, I'll be more inclined to believe you.
Stewie Grifin: What?! But I can't leave Rupert to perish. For the rest of my life, I'll be as lonely as Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell after the rapture.
[cut to Pat and Jerry after the rapture]
Pat Robertson: Damn it, Jerry, why are we the only ones still here?
Jerry Falwell: I don't know, we hated all the right things.
Pat Robertson: Now there's nothing left to hate.
Jerry Falwell: I'm gonna hate that rock.
Pat Robertson: No, I'm gonna hate that rock.
Jerry Falwell: Let's both hate that rock.
Pat Robertson: I hate you.
Jerry Falwell: I hate you, too.
Mayor Adam West: Can I help you, gentlemen?
Brian Griffin: Follow that truck! Didn't you hear me? I said "Follow that truck!"
Mayor Adam West: Oh, I heard you. What I didn't hear was "please."
Brian and Stewie: Please follow the truck!
Mayor Adam West: If I enter Connecticut, I'm entering every state that Connecticut's ever been with.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 25th, 2007 Peter Griffin: What? Lois, this is the best you could do?
Lois Griffin: Well, it was either Meg or a talking monkey with a cigar, but I didn't think you'd like that.
Monkey: I've already accepted another job.
Peter Griffin: Lois, you picked the opposite thing that I would like!
Monkey: It's all right, I would've driven you bananas.
Peter Griffin: Oh, oh, and he makes jokes. Nice going, Lois!
Stewie Griffin: Why have you brought me to the toy store, Brian?
Brian Griffin: I'm buying you another Rupert. [grabs a toy gorilla] Hey, this one's cute, huh? [reads tag] And if we buy it, they save a real gorilla in the wild... and if we don't, they kill one. Wow, these guys are playing hardball.
Peter Griffin [singing]:
This time around, I'm stayin' at home,
And things are gonna get better.
Settlin' in, lovin' my wife,
But then I got that letter.
My black son, my black son,
Now each day my heart is gettin' bigger.
Don't even remember sleepin' with that lady,
But I did.
My black son, he's commin' to stay,
My black son, he's makin' each day...
The best that he can!
[spoken]
Also he's a ninja.
Joe Swanson: Good morning, Peter. I'm here to revoke your driver's license.
Peter Griffin: What? Why?
Joe Swanson: We got reckless driving, disturbing the peace, plus the driver of one of those other cars was a virgin whose hymen was busted by the airbag, so rape.
Peter Griffin: How much for the gloves?
Brian Griffin: Peter, those are yours.
Peter Griffin: Ten bucks! Two! Seven! Four! Five-fifty! Ten! Sold! Sucker. I would have gone to 15 easy. I am so stupid.
