Screwed the Pooch Quotes
Peter Griffin: Hey, you know what's funny? I always thought that dogs, um, laid eggs. And, I learned something today...
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 6th, 2007 Lawyer: Do you remember an incident at a South Attleboro Denny's in December of 1996?
Brian Griffin: Uh, yeah, I guess.
[cutaway to baby screaming and crying for 15 seconds]
Brian Griffin: WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! YOU LIKE THAT?! HUH?! YOU LIKE THAT?! WAAAAA!! YOU JUST TUNE THIS OUT, DON'T YOU?! WAAAAA!! WELL, TUNE THIS OUT! WAAAAAAA!!
Tricia Takanawa: This is Tricia Takanawa reporting live, where police have discovered the whereabouts of Seabreeze, the heiress to the Pewterschmidt fortune. The dognapper has been traced to this sleazy motel. [Tom Tucker comes out in his boxers with a bag of beer bottles] Ah, I see my colleague, Tom Tucker, is already on the scene.
Prostitute: Who's that, baby?
Tom Tucker [quickly shoves her back inside]: Hello, this is Tom Tucker...'s evil twin, Todd Tucker out to destroy his brother's reputation. Ha ha ha! Now I'm going back inside to have freaky sex with my prostitute with whom I still have 45 minutes. Now, back to this breaking news.
Lois Griffin: Daddy, please stop this. Brian has every right to see his puppies when they're born.
Carter Pewterschmidt: Sorry, pumpkin.
Lois Griffin: I had no idea you could be so cruel. I'll never forgive you for this.
Carter Pewterschmidt: Ah, you'll be fine. You're just having your period.
Brian Griffin: Were you followed?
Lois Griffin: Don't worry, I've got a decoy.
[cutaway to Spooner Street, where Chris, dressed as Lois, pushes Stewie in a stroller down the sidewalk]
Glenn Quagmire: Hey, Lois. Hubba-hubba... whoa, Lois! You've put on a few, huh?
Chris Griffin: Well, I never! [slaps Quagmire]
Stewie Griffin: That's all right, honey. I didn't think he was the one, anyway. Now, let's go get sundaes.
Carter Pewterschmidt: He's violating Seabreeze!
Peter Griffin: No, no, he's just awkwardly positioning himself... Oh, now he's violating Seabreeze.
Peter Griffin [at wine-tasting event, drunk and naked]: Hey, hey where... where the hell is that Peter Griffin? He said he would give me a hundred dollars if I took off all my clothes off.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 6th, 2007 [Lois walks into the bathroom to find Brian masturbating over canine porn, "Kinky Canine Co-eds," then leaves fast]
Lois Griffin: Oh, my God Was... was he just mastu-?
Peter Griffin: Yes!
Lois Griffin: Oh, my.
Peter Griffin: Do we... do we rub his nose in it?
Lois Griffin: Peter, would you please fix the bathroom faucet?
Peter Griffin: I fixed it already.
Lois Griffin: No, you didn't. It's still dripping.
Peter Griffin: No way! I will give you all my Star Wars guys if it is. W-w-wait. Except Boba Fett. No matter how sure I am, I never risk the Fett man.
Teacher: In French, when you want to say yes, you say, oui-oui.
Peter Griffin: You gotta be kidding me! Oh, my God! That is hysterical! Oh, man. Hey, what do you say for no - doo-doo? Hey, I'll be right back, I gotta go take a wicked "yes!"