Stewie B. Goode Quotes
Peter Griffin: You know what really grinds my gears? People from the 19th century. Why don't they get with the freakin' program? It's called an automobile, folks. It's much faster than a horse... [station manager hands Peter note] Oh. Well, it appears I've been fired. Well, as long as I'm no longer working here, let me tell you something: You know what really grinds my gears? YOU, America! FUCK YOU! Diane?
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 19th, 2007 Diane Simmons: Now let's go to Ollie Williams with the Adopt-a-Pet of the Week.
Ollie Williams: WHO WANTS THIS DOG?!
Diane Simmons: Thanks, Ollie. And now, let's go to Peter Griffin with "You Know What Really Grinds My--" Tom, what are you doing? You don't work here anymore.
Tom Tucker: Well, Diane, I have an exclusive story... and I can't figure out how to check my e-mail from home.
Ollie Williams: DID YOU CHECK YOUR TCP/IP SETTINGS?
Tom Tucker: Yes, I did, Ollie.
Ollie Williams: ENABLE COOKIES?
Tom Tucker: Yes, Ollie.
Ollie Williams: YOU WANT THIS DOG?
Tom Tucker: No, thank you, Ollie.
Brian Griffin [to drunken Stewie]: Uh, alright. Time for your nap. Don't worry Lois, I'll take him. Let's go.
Stewie Griffin [drunkenly]: God, what-why you-what the hell? Why are y-you drag-why are we in here? It's, uh, rude to the... other people.
Brian Griffin: You're drunk.
Stewie Griffin: You're sexy!
Brian Griffin: Listen, you have to stop this. Alright? No more drinking! I'm sorry I even put it in your head.
Stewie Griffin: I don't know-I don't even know what you're problem is. I've never felt better. [vomits on Brian] Okay, now I've never felt better.
Peter Griffin: You know what really grinds my gears? This Lindsay Lohan. Huh? Lindsay Lohan with all those little outfits, jumping around there on stage, half-naked with-with your little outfits. Y'know? You're u-you're up there jumping around, and I'm just sitting here with my beer. So... y'know, what am I supposed to do? What do-what do-what do you want? Y'know, are we gonna go out? Is that what you're trying to-- why-why you're leaping around there, throwing those things all up in, over there on my face? Huh? What do you want, Lindsay? Tell me what you want! Well, I'll tell you what you want. You want nothin'. You want nothin'! All right? Because we all know that no woman anywhere wants to have sex with anyone, and-and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is, i-is-is-is just bogus.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 19th, 2007Stewie Griffin: Hell? Oh that's a bit much, don't you think? I mean, sure, I've spent my entire life trying to kill my mother, but who hasn't?
• Vote for this Quote! • July 19th, 2007 Brian Griffin: Come on, what are you doing in there?
Stewie Griffin: I'm brushing my teeth!
Brian Griffin: Come on, you only have like two of 'em, how long can it take?
[walks in on Stewie shaving his body hair]
Brian Griffin: Oh, uh, you... doin' a little hair removal there?
Stewie Griffin: Oh, uh, yeah. Um...you know, feel free to say "no" to this but, uh... would you shave my coin purse?
Brian Griffin: Oh... Oh, no! No way, man! Oh! H-Holy freaking God! Oh! [leaves]
Stewie Griffin: Huh. Don't have to be so uptight about it.
Diane Simmons: In other news, after several grueling days of frightening uncertainty, I finally get my period.
Tom Tucker: Well, Diane, I'm sure you and your brother must be devastated by the loss of the two-headed offspring that might have been.
Stewie Griffin: You know, that is a remarkable resemblance, Brad. You on your back in the water ... you look like one of my STOOLS!
• Vote for this Quote! • July 19th, 2007 Stewie Griffin: I'll tell you who was brave: Gandhi.
[cut to a Comedy Club, where Ghandi is doing standup]
Mahatma Gandhi: ... And the black people are always like, "Hey, bitch!," and the Indian people, we do not call our women in such a way.
Man in Audience: Boo! You suck!
Peter Griffin: Oh, I've been dying to get back on TV ever since I stopped hosting Family Feud.
[cut to Family Feud; Peter walks up to a female contestant]
Peter Griffin: How are you, Betsy? Welcome to the show. You are a lovely young woman. [gives her a kiss on the cheek, puts his hand up her shirt and feels one breast...] And let me just get my hand up there and feel that one... [...then the other] and that one. And we're lookin for something you shop for at the mall. Three seconds.
