The Perfect Castaway Quotes
Lois Griffin: And to think, Brian, I was like a day away from having sex with you. [Brian's eyes open in shock] I was gonna push those beds together and take you around the freakin' world, Brian! But a nice pat on the head is just as good, huh? You want your ball? You want your ball?
Brian Griffin: No, Lois, I don't want the ball right now. I'll be in the basement.
Peter Griffin: Doing what?
Brian Griffin: WHAT DO YOU THINK? [family erupts in laughter]
Stewie Griffin: Oh... okay, somebody's gonna have to explain that to me.
Lois Griffin: Okay, I'm going out.
Brian Griffin: Where are you going?
Lois Griffin: To my...uh...uh, garden club.
Brian Griffin: It's 10:30 at night. And you have a saddle.
Lois Griffin: Well... it's a... I... um... [takes out a ball] What's this? What's this, Brian, huh? What's this, huh?
Brian Griffin: It's a ball.
Lois Griffin: Oh, is this your ball? You want it? Huh? You want this? Huh?
Brian Griffin: Yes, I would like-I would like it, please, yes.
Lois Griffin: Yeah, you want this? Huh? You want the ball?
Brian Griffin: Yes, I would like to have it very much.
Lois Griffin: You want it? Huh? You want the ball?
Brian Griffin: Yes-yes, I would enjoy having it, yes. Give it to me.
Lois Griffin: GO GET IT!!!
Brian Griffin: I-I'm sorry, Lois. I was mistaken. I thought you threw the ball in there, but I can see now you still have it.
Stewie Griffin: Lois, I smell whipped cream. Are you making strawberry shortcake? [sees Lois and Peter having sex] AAAHHHH!!! AAAHHHH!!! AAAHHHH!!! AAAHHHH!!! AAAHHHH!!! AAAHHHH!!! AAAHHHH!!!
Mayor Adam West: So it's a shouting match you want, eh? Well game on, Quahog! AAAAAH! AAAAAH! AAAAH! AAAH AH! I'm beating you!
Peter Griffin: Well, Joe is absolutely right. I just gotta figure out a way to win Lois back. I can do that, I'm a smart guy. I once built that time machine out of a DeLorean.
[cut to Peter in a car that looks like a time machine]
Peter Griffin: Alright, past, here I come! [drives the car into the wall of a building, destroying it and setting the building on fire] Wow. Everybody in 1955 was on fire. I never knew that!
Peter Griffin: Alright, fellas, we've been out here for months, and we all know men have certain needs. And, being that there's no women around, we're gonna have to have an orgy.
[scene cuts to Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland, and Joe stacked on each other, naked]
Peter Griffin: Uh... anybody horny?
Glenn Quagmire: No.
Cleveland Brown: No.
Joe Swanson: No.
Peter Griffin: Yeah, me neither. Uh, and, uh, whoever's toe that is, uh, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but, uh, I think you can stop.
Joe Swanson: Boy, I'm sure glad nobody's here to see this. [a cruise ship passes]
Captain: And if you look off the left side of the ship, you'll see a bunch of homosexuals. [in Spanish] A la izquierda del barco, podemos ver las "fanny bandits."
Mayor Adam West: We gather here to remember those brave Quahog men, who were lost at sea. The Bible declares an eye for an eye. So let us take our vengeance on this murderous ocean! [gets a knife, runs to ocean and stabs the shore several times] You won't be hurting anyone anymore.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 17th, 2007 Tom Tucker: Is there anything we can do for you?
Ollie Williams: BRING ME SOME SOUP!
Tom Tucker: What kind?
Ollie Williams: CHUNKY!
Tom Tucker: Alright, we'll get on that. Coming up next, a pig that refuses to eat Jews? After this.
Peter Griffin: Hey, hey, I got an idea. Let's play "I Never." You gotta drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did.
Cleveland Brown: Oh, I got one. I never slept with a woman with the lights on. [Peter, Joe, and Quagmire drink]
Joe Swanson: I'll go next. Uh, I never had sex with Cleveland's wife. [Cleveland and Quagmire drink]
Peter Griffin: Uh, all right, let's see, uh... I never did a chick in a Logan Airport bathroom. [Quagmire drinks and is nearly passed out]
Peter Griffin: God, let's see, what else is there? Um, I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.
Glenn Quagmire: Oh, God! [drinks]
Joe Swanson: I, uh... I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home and choke me while I touched myself.
Glenn Quagmire: Oh, come on! [drinks again]
Peter Griffin: Uh, I never did the same thing, but with someone from Jo-Ann Fabrics.
Glenn Quagmire: Oh, God, this is ridiculous! [drinks, and then passes out]
Peter Griffin: Oh, boy, he's out cold. Hey, let's write on him!
