Family Guy Quotes (Page 16)
Autumn: I have to leave, and I'm taking my piano with me.
Peter Griffin: [crying] Noooo! Why?! Why?! She chose the piano over her insulin! You could have had both!
Peter Griffin: Lois, I'm just warning you. If this movie turns me gay, I'm gonna start bringing gay guys home. And I don't mean the classy, "maybe-they-are,-maybe-they're-not" gay guys, I mean those big, "Oh-my-God, here-they-come, floating-around, making-noise" gay guys. Not the "fix-up-your-house" gay guys.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 25th, 2007 Lois Griffin: Peter, you promised you'd come with me to see Autumn's Piano. Besides, you owe me big after the way you embarrassed me in front of Sandra Oh.
[cut away]
Lois Griffin: Oh my god, Sandra Oh, we loved you in Sideways.
Sandra Oh: Thank you.
Peter Griffin: WE SEE YOU, IN MANY MOVIES. I THINK ABOUT YOU, WHILE HAVING SEX WITH MY WIFE. I THANK YOU WITH ONE DOLLAR. [turns to Lois] That's a lot of money to them.
TV Jingle: Tasty Juice, Drink it, then convert it to pee!
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • July 25th, 2007 Jillian: I'm really surprised you invited me out for dinner, Stevie.
Stewie Griffin: Oh well, you know, I just wanted to touch base, see how everything-- it's "Stewie," by the way-- just to check in, make sure everything is going well with you and Brian.
Jillian: It's going kickass!
Stewie Griffin: Well, you look fantastic. Got some meat on your bones, which is great.
Jillian: What?
Stewie Griffin: Oh, just saying you look jolly, like Ruben Studdard or John Goodman or Santa.
Jillian: Oh my God, are you saying I'm fat?
Stewie Griffin: No, I'm saying Santa's thin -- GET IN THERE AND THROW UP!
[after sex]
Peter Griffin: Oh, that was fantastic. Hey, where'd you get that tattoo on your lower back?
Lois Griffin: I don't know, Peter. Meth is a hell of a drug.
Peter Griffin: What?
Brian Griffin: Ugh... Stewie, what the hell?! Get me down from here!
Stewie Griffin: No way, man! How do I know you're not the Tooth Fairy in disguise?!
Brian Griffin: Your middle name is Gilligan.
Stewie Griffin: NOT GOOD ENOUGH!
Brian Griffin: You think my girlfriend's a moron.
Stewie Griffin: SO DOES EVERYONE!
Brian Griffin: You have a picture of Chris Noth in your wallet.
Stewie Griffin: Okay.
Stewie Griffin: What the hell is that?
Brian Griffin: Ah, it's Jillian. She's, uh... she has this eating disorder. She's bulimic.
Stewie Griffin: My God, that's horrible!
Brian Griffin: I know, it really is. I mean, her hair is falling out, last week she lost a tooth...
Stewie Griffin: Really?
Brian Griffin: But man, I'll tell you, all that purging just makes her body look fantastic. I mean, that's what the supermodels do, and so many of them just look so great.
Stewie Griffin [to Brian]: An entire week and still no teeth. And it turns out these teeth I got from the old man are phony. Brian, Brian, look. I'm Gary Busey. I'm frequently aggressive in situations that don't call for it!
• Vote for this Quote! • July 24th, 2007 Tom Tucker: In local news, a sexy new trend has emerged at James Woods High.
Diane Simmons: That's right, Tom. It appears that students have taken to having ear sex in lieu of traditional intercourse.
Tom Tucker: Over 200 reports of ear sex have been confirmed so far, prompting a new slogan: "Once you go black, you go deaf."
