Family Guy Quotes (Page 19)
Brian Griffin: It's just wrong for the military to mess with kids' minds. They're all gonna wind up in therapy, like Peter was.
[cut to Dr. Katz's office; Peter is on the couch]
Peter Griffin: Every time my daughter opens her mouth, I just wanna punch her in the face, she's really annoying.
Dr. Katz: Uh-huh, all right, let's explore that.
Peter Griffin: What the hell's wrong with you? Your skin's, like, moving around or something.
Dr. Katz: I believe I'm having some sort of seizure.
Brian Griffin: I can't believe they're brainwashing kids like Chris to serve in the military.
Stewie Griffin: Ah, yes. The bottom 10 percent of our high school class is off to fight another battle.
Brian Griffin: You stole that from The Onion.
Stewie Griffin: What?
Brian Griffin: You stole that. I... read that in The Onion. About the war in Iraq.
Stewie Griffin: Well, if that's true, then I'd say they've got some sharp cookies over at the, uh... what is it again? The Onion?
Brian Griffin: So, if I go up to your room right now, I'm not going to find a copy of The Onion, right?
Stewie Griffin: No. [Tries to run, but slips on his food and falls off his high chair] OW!!! DAMN IT!!!
Brian Griffin: That's what I thought.
Lois Griffin: Chris, you can't join the Army, you're too young. Besides, the Army's weak. Now the Marines... those are the men you wanna f**k.
Peter Griffin: Are you kidding, Lois? The army's great! You get to save money for college, there's free food, and all the brown people you can rape.
Announcer: The U.S. Army... Awwww, YEEAHHH! Note: Your experience may differ.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 24th, 2007 Man: Excuse me, can you tell me where I can find assault rifles?
Meg Griffin: Aisle Six.
Man: How about a list of known local homosexuals?
Meg Griffin: Aisle Four.
Brian Griffin: Hey, I'm just trying to be ethical.
Stewie Griffin: Yeah, Right. You hate all mega-stores ever since you were petted way too hard by that special boy in front of K-Mart.
[cut to K-Mart, where Brian is putting away a shopping cart and a special boy in a padded helmet approaches him and starts petting him heavily, knocking him down]
Special Boy: Doggy!
Brian Griffin: Ow.
Special Boy: Doggy!
Brian Griffin: Ow!
Special Boy: Doggy!
Brian Griffin: Too hard!
Special Boy: I like doggy!
Brian Griffin: Too hard!
Special Boy: Doggy!
Brian Griffin: Gonna bite!
Special Boy: Doggy!
Brian Griffin: Gonna bite!
Brian Griffin: Giant megastores like Superstore USA are ruining this country. They don't pay their employees a decent wage or give them health benefits.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, yeah, all gay guys hate Superstore USA.
Brian Griffin: What?
Stewie Griffin: Hmm?
Stewie Griffin: Hey, Brian, I'm not going to recycle this aluminum can. I'm just going to throw it in the trash.
Brian: [pretends not to care, then after a moment, he goes and moves the can to the recycling bin as Stewie leaves]
Stewie Griffin [comes back]: Ha!! You're Earth's bitch!
Lois Griffin: Oh. My God, it's hot! Brian, did you turn off the air conditioner?
Brian Griffin: Just open a window. Air conditioners are harmful to the ozone layer.
Lois Griffin: Ugh, Brian, please. Save your hippie B.S. for the winter months, okay?
Peter Griffin: I see. And does the sedan protect against missiles?
Sleazy Salesman: It does not.
Peter Griffin: Ah, you hear that, Meg? Yeah, it does not protect against missiles. See, these-these are the questions. This is why I'm here.
Brian Griffin: Peter, you can't be serious. This is a 30 ton war machine!
Peter Griffin: Ah, I'm still not sure...
Sleazy Salesman: Did I mention the tank is a tank?
Peter Griffin: Sold!
