Family Guy Quotes (Page 77)

Joe Swanson Takes Charge

Chris: Dad, I tried to go to school but this guy won't let me.
Peter: Oh yeah? Him and what army?
Chris: The U.S. Army.
Peter: Oh, that's a good army.

  • Vote for this Quote! • February 11th, 2007


Adam West: I love this job more than I love taffy ... and I'm a man who enjoys his taffy.

  • Vote for this Quote! • February 11th, 2007


Peter: Ok, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. A homicidal murderer tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?
Brian: That's... that's not a riddle. That's ... that's just terrible.
Peter: Wrong, the ugly one!

  • Vote for this Quote! • February 11th, 2007


Peter: Well, I'm gettin' something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like... like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what do they do with the regular K? And for that matter, what ever happend to K. Ballard? You know, if you said mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard.
Brian: Do you listen to yourself when you talk?
Peter: I drift in and out.

  • Vote for this Quote! • February 11th, 2007


Chris: Oh, I hate vegetables.
Lois: Honey, they're good for you.
Chris: Oooh, they taste like a monkey, a monkey that's past its prime.

  • Vote for this Quote! • February 11th, 2007



Meg: Whoa! Chris have you loot weight? You look wicked skinny! I'm jealous!
Chris: Really? Cause...cause I'm jealous of your mustache!
Meg: I don't have a mustache!!!!!

  • Vote for this Quote! • February 11th, 2007


Chris (looking at the Twinkie in his hand): I'm going to turn you into poo.

  • Vote for this Quote! • February 11th, 2007


Cleveland: If you're this desperate about Chris's weight, why don't you just suck the fat out?
Peter: Look, if you can find a hole on the boy that you want to put your lips on, be my guest.

  • Vote for this Quote! • February 11th, 2007


Lifeguard: Sir you can't park your van on the diving board.
Peter: That's not a van, that's my son.

  • Vote for this Quote! • February 11th, 2007


Lois: Peter, did you post a new picture of yourself on our wedding picture?
Peter: Yeah, I think it looks better.
Lois: You posted it over me!!
Peter: Yeah, I think it looks better.

  • Vote for this Quote! • February 11th, 2007


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Total Quotes: 897