House Quotes (Page 4)
Dr. Cuddy: What are you doing?
Dr. House: Well, you're trying to be me, so I thought I'd try to be you.
Dr. Cuddy: You don't have the cleavage for it.
Dr. House: But I have a much tighter ass.
Dr. Cuddy: They're sleeping together?
Dr. House: If by sleeping together you mean having sex in the janitor's closet...
Dr. Cuddy: Here?
Dr. House: No, the janitor's closet at the local high school. Go Tigercats! Do you have one of those camera phones? 'Cause I got a mySpace account.
Dr. Cuddy: I will deal with them after I deal with you.
Dr. House: Oh c'mon... let's gossip some more. I'm sure she's into bondage.
Dr. Cameron: I've read the outcome of mirror syndrome is almost always unfavorable.
Dr. House: Unfavorable... is that doctor-speak for ‘dead baby’?
Dr. House: Mom's body is like…the intricate German metro system. All the trains run on time. She gets pregnant, it's like…a new station opening in Düsseldorf. A bunch of rookies running things. Bound to be mistakes. Kids play on the tracks and get electrocuted, and before you know it, trains are backed up all the way to Berlin and you got a bunch of angry Germans with nowhere to go. And we all know that ain't good for the Jews…
Dr. Chase: Ah…who are the Jews in this metaphor?
Dr. House: [while urine is spilling onto the floor out of a bag attatched to House's leg] It's a urine catheter collection bag with a rip in it, what the hell does it look like?
• Vote for this Quote! • August 20th, 2007Dr. Chase: You were wrong about the "nothing's wrong-atosis". You can fake fatigue and joint pain but you can't fake bacterial vaginosis in your mouth.
• Vote for this Quote! • August 20th, 2007 Dr. House: Do a full physical. Recheck his blood for HIV, Hep C, malaria, schistosomiasis, and "T strain" A. baumannii just to make sure the VA's dotted their I’s. And find out every hospital and clinic he's ever visited, every city he's ever lived in, and... whether he's ever been on TV.
Dr. Cameron: TV?
Dr. House: Problem could be neurological. Everyone knows TV rots your brain.
Dr. Wilson: I'm guessing you're longing for either a renewed relationship with your dad... or a new relationship with one of the Village People.
Dr. House: He was in the Navy, not the Marines.
Dr. Wilson: I thought your dad was in the Marines.
Dr. House: The guy in the Village People.
Dr. Wilson: Actually, he's only in the Navy when they sing "In the Navy". The rest of the time, he's just in generic fatigues.
[House looks at him]
Dr. Wilson: What? You brought it up.
Dr. House: I can play the harmonica with my nose, make a penny come out of a child's ear - or any other orifice for that matter - and given the right circumstances bring two women to simultaneous ecstasy.
Dr. Wilson: The right circumstances being their agreement to bill you on the same credit card.
Dr. House: It was an outpatient procedure. I was curious.
Dr. Wilson: Are you curious about heroin?
Dr. House: Not since last year's Christmas party.