House Quotes (Page 53)
Dr. Cameron: Sex could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent, it's ugly and it's messy, and if God hadn't made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago. [pause to breathe deep and stare at each other] Men are lucky they can only have one orgasm. Do you know that women can have an hour long orgasm?
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 16th, 2007 Dr. Wilson: That smugness of yours really is an attractive quality.
Dr. House: Thank you. It was either that or get my hair highlighted. Smugness is easier to maintain.
Dr. House:: What would you prefer - a doctor who holds your hand while you die or one who ignores you while you get better? I suppose it would particularly suck to have a doctor who ignores you while you die
• Vote for this Quote! • August 16th, 2007 Dr. Cameron: Men should grow up.
Dr. House: Yeah, and dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not going to happen.
Dr. House: [to the crowd in the walk-in clinic's waiting area] Hello, sick people and their loved ones! In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chitchat later, I'm Doctor Gregory House; you can call me "Greg." I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning.
Dr. Cuddy: Short, sweet, grab a file.
Dr. House: This ray of sunshine is Doctor Lisa Cuddy. Doctor Cuddy runs this whole hospital, so unfortunately she's much too busy to deal with you. I am a board (emphasis to make it sound like 'bored')...certified diagnostician with a double specialty in infectious disease and nephrology. I am also the only doctor currently employed at this clinic who is forced to be here against his will.
[House turns to face Dr. Cuddy.]
Dr. House: That is true, isn't it?
[He turns back to the crowd.]
Dr. House: But not to worry, because for most of you, this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin. Speaking of which, if you're particularly annoying, you may see me reach for this: this is Vicodin. It's mine. You can't have any. And no, I do not have a pain management problem, I have a pain problem. But who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell. So, who wants me? [nobody moves] And who would rather wait for one of the other two guys?
[Everybody raises their hands.]
Dr. House: Okay. Well, I'll be in Exam Room One if you change your mind.
Dr. House: Show of hands: who thinks I'm not in my right mind? And who thinks I forget this very basic neurological fact? Who thinks there's a third option?
[Dr. Chase raises his hand]
Dr. House: Very good. What's the third choice?
Dr. Chase: No idea. You just asked if I thought there was one.
Patient's Mother: How can you just sit there?
Dr. House: If I eat standing up, I spill.
Dr. Cuddy: How's your hooker doing?
Dr. House: Oh, sweet of you to ask, funny story, she was going to be a hospital administrator, but hated having to screw people like that.
Dr. Cuddy: What are you doing back here? A patient?
Dr. House: No, a hooker. Came to my office instead of my home.
Dr. House: Thirty percent of all dads out there don't realize they're raising someone else's kid.
Dr. Foreman: From what I've read false paternity is more like ten percent.
Dr. House: That's what our moms would like us to believe.