How I Met Your Mother Quotes
Barney is in his ofice, working late. He answers his phone
Barney: Go for Barney.
Marshall: Hey man. It's Marshall. Check your email, I sent you something.
Barney: What is it?
Marshall: A new website, slapcountdown.com
Barney looks at his computer screen, which displays a timer counting down days, hours, minutes & seconds.
Barney: No... NOOOOOOOOO!
Robin: Shut up! Now listen to me. The clock is ticking. Okay, first thing: we scoop up all these little pieces of tofu and cabbage. Next, what we need to take care of are the messy parts; the pools that have collected. We gotta soak that soup up. Last...is the smell. We gotta cover up that Tam Kuk Gye. You mentioned cigars?
Lily: There's two in the glove compartment, but he's been saving...
Robin: Hand me those chopsticks.
[5 minutes later, Robin and Lily are smoking cigars]
Robin: Mmm, hey, how 'bout some tunes? [500 Miles by The Proclaimers starts playing] Ohh, great song!
[Lily shudders]
Lily: These cigars aren't helping at all.
Robin: [grinning] Yeah, this was a terrible idea.
Lily: Uggh, now it just smells like a...homeless guy threw up in here.
[Robin stares at her in amazement; Lily looks back at her. They have their alibi] [flash to present]
Marshall: The broken windows?
Lily: We had to make it look realistic!
Marshall: Well why did you break TWO of them?
Robin: Uhhh...it looked like fun when she did it so I wanted to try.
Marshall: I can't believe this whole time it was you guys; I've been blaming Really Tan Dancing Leotard guy
Barney:: [talking with Lily about waiting in line for the wedding-dress sale] I can’t go, I’ve got this thing….
Lily:: What thing?
Barney:: ...a penis.
Lily:: [talking to Marshall about electronic tracking devices worn by marathon runners] When we get married, you’re getting one of those.
• Vote for this Quote! • March 31st, 2007Barney:: [talking about how easy it is to run a marathon] Step 1: You start running. There is no Step 2.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • March 31st, 2007 Marshall: But just to make sure it records, maybe we should bow our heads and say a quiet prayer to the TiVo gods.
Ted: Almighty TiVo, We thank you for all the gifts you have given us. The power to freeze live TV to go take a leak is nothing short of god-like. And let's not forget fast-forwarding through commercials. It seems greedy to ask anything more from you, o magic box, but if you malfunction and miss the Super Bowl, we will destroy you in the alley with baseball bats.
Marshall and Ted: Amen.
Ted: [about the naked painting of Marshall] This is awesome times awesome. It's awesome squared.
• Vote for this Quote! • March 31st, 2007Barney:: [seeing his nude painting] You gave me the Ken doll... She left out Little Barney, Barnacle Junior, My Barnana, Barnito Surpreme
• Vote for this Quote! • March 31st, 2007 Lily:: [trying to paint Barney with a sword in his hand] I don't think your sword will fit.
Barney:: I get that a lot.
Barney: In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • March 31st, 2007
