How I Met Your Mother Quotes (Page 18)
Marshall: You okay?
Ted: Sure. Why?
Marshall: Ah...I don't know. Girl of your dreams...dating a billionaire.
Ted: Okay, first of all, hundred-millionaire. And second, she's not the girl of my dreams. We're just friends. Look, it would not be smart if we got together. I..I mean, I'm looking to settle down, she's looking for a.... [Barney starts snoring]
Barney: Wha...? You done? Great. Check out table number four. See that little hottie on the end? She's short, but has an ample bosom. I love it! She's like half boob. [whispers to Ted] Let's go.
Ted: Yea and say what? What's our big opening line?
Barney: I was uh....'Daddy's home'.
Ted: Daddy's home?
Barney: Yea.
Ted: Okay, you..you want us to go over there, right now, and say to those girls,'Daddy's home'. Really think about that, Barney.
Barney: Hmm...yea, I think it's pretty solid.
[At a homeless shelter]
Ted: What are you doing here?
Barney: The Lord's work.
Ted: But you're Satan!
Barney: Helping people less fortunate than me is the greatest pleasure in the world.
Robin: Yesterday you said the greatest pleasure in the world was having your toes sucked. Then you asked for a high five ... from your foot.
Robin: I am Canadian. Remember? We celebrate Thanksgiving in October.
Ted: Oh right I forgot. You guys are weird and you pronounce the word 'out', 'oot.'
Robin: You guys are the world's leader in hand gun violence; your health care system is bankrupt and your country is deeply divided on almost every important issue.
Ted: [pause] Your cops are called 'mounties.'
Lily: On Monday I'm going to have to tell my kindergarten class, who I tell not to run with scissors, how my fiancee ran me through with a broadsword.
Marshall: Technically, it didn't go all the way through.
Lily: I'm sorry, were we having a discussion about the degree to which you stabbed me?
Barney: You need to mark your territory, and I don't mean missing the toilet.
• Vote for this Quote! • March 27th, 2007Robin: C'mon daddy, break me off a piece of that white chocolate.
• Vote for this Quote! • March 27th, 2007Barney: Good night, thanks for playing, see you never!
• Vote for this Quote! • March 27th, 2007Barney: Wow, Jackie, you make a really great first impression. I have a feeling that tonight you might end up being Jackie [with ecstasy] ohhhh.
• Vote for this Quote! • March 27th, 2007Barney: I'm tired of the whole bar scene, the one-night hookups, I'm looking for a soulmate, someone who I can love and cuddle... [pauses] or so it says in my profile. [laughs]
• Vote for this Quote! • March 27th, 2007
