How I Met Your Mother Quotes (Page 3)
Marshall: Oh, poor me. I get to order yummy pink drinks with chunks of real fruit that guys secretly like but can't order because they'll be made fun of.
Ted: Dude
Marshall: They're delicious!
Robin: Bras suck. They're so confining and unnatural.
Lily: Yeah, they're like a boobie zoo.
Ted: You are driving me crazy. No wonder your fake husband moved to Hong Kong.
Robin: He moved there for business!
Lily: This is the most amazing thing I have ever seen!!
Marshall: That's YOU?
Robin: Yes. I had one minor hit. I had to go all over Canada and sing this song in malls. For a whole year I lived off of Orange Juliuses and Wetzel's Pretzels.
Robin Sparkles: Please, Mr. Johnson. I'm sorry I was a bad girl. Please don't give me detention. Isn't there something I can do to make it up to you?
Ted: Oh. My. God.
Barney: Well, obviously, I've been proven right. So, in the interest of Robin's dignity, I won't show any more. Plus, it's getting late; it's already Slap o'clock. [slaps Marshall]
Robin: What the hell was that?
Barney: Ah, I slap-bet Marshall that you did porn, so, I win.
Robin: Porn?? I wish it was porn; it would be less embarrassing.
Ted: You were never married!
Robin: Yes, I was!
Ted: No, you weren't!
Robin: How do you know?!
Ted: I looked it up at the library.
Robin: What library?
Ted: The...one...on...Fifth!
Robin: When did you go?
Ted: Today at lunch, and I had an apple brie panini with potato sal-
Robin: I'm not questioning the lunch part, Ted! What database did you use?
Ted: I used...the Canadian Mall Marriage 6000.
Barney: Fine, if you wanna know what Robin's secret is...
Ted: You know??!
Barney: Of course I know. She couldn't look at us. Her face got flushed. That's shame, my friend. Our friend Robin used to do porn....wait for it....ography!
Ted: Yea, we didn't really need to wait for that. And it's ridiculous!
Lily: I don't know. He could be right. She does have the fake orgasm noises down.
Ted: Hey!
Lily: What? The walls are thin.
Ted: That's not what I was 'hey'-ing you about.
Barney: If there was any shame in a dude getting a pedicure I don't think there would've been a feature about it in Details magazine.
• Vote for this Quote! • March 31st, 2007 Lily: Oh Robin, that's a really cute outfit.
Robin: Really? Thanks..
Lily: Yea, it has to go, I'm the bride and you can't look better than me.
Marshall: Hi, we need a marriage license but we need to skip the waiting period because we're in love.
Clerk: Aaww..I'm gonna waive this waiting period right now!
Lily: Really!?
Clerk: Is what I would say if I could waive the waiting period but unfortunately only a judge can do that.
Lily: Oh, so can we see a judge?
Clerk: Absolutely!
Lily: Really?
Clerk: Is what I would say if there was any chance of you seeing a judge today, which there isn't.
Marshall: [clenched teeth] Why are you doing this to us?
Clerk: Because you're on CANDID CAMERA!
Robin: Really?
Clerk: Is what I would say--
Marshall: You know what, we get it.
