How I Met Your Mother Quotes (Page 4)
Marshall: Do you still wanna? That's like the lamest proposal ever!
• Vote for this Quote! • March 31st, 2007 Lily: Oh my God! These pancakes are delicious!
Marshall: Yes! Thank you. I learned how to cook while you were gone this summer.
Lily: Wow! Do you want to cook dinner tonight?
Marshall: Yeah, sure...How about pancakes?
Marshall: Um...hey, I'd like you guys to officially meet Chloe.
Ted: Hi.
Chloe: Hi.
Barney: Hi.
Chloe: It's nice to meet you guys. I'll be right back.
Marshall: Okay. [points her to restroom] It's right back there. [after she's out of sight] Right?! Right?!!! She's HOT! And she likes me; she likes Italian food, I also like Italian food. She likes Billy Joel; I also like....music. And I think...uh...we'll go out again!
Barney: Dude, you gotta ditch her.
Ted: Obviously.
Marshall: Wha...why?
Barney: She's got the..'Crazy Eyes'.
Ted: Dude...the eyes...they're CRAZY.
Marshall: What are you guys talking about, the 'Crazy Eyes'?
Barney: It's a well-documented condition of the pupils, or pupi.
Ted: Nope, just pupils.
Barney: It's an indicator of future mental instability.
Marshall: She does not have the 'Crazy Eyes!
Ted: You just can't see it because you're afflicted with 'Haven't Been Laid In A While Blindness'.
Barney: She was too far away in the coffee place, but when I saw her up close just now...
[flashback to about one minute ago]
Marshall: Hey, I'd like you guys to officially meet Chloe.
Ted: Hi.
Chloe: Hi.
Barney: Hi.
Chloe: It's nice to meet you guys.
[as she shakes Barney's hand, her eyes start spinning and glowing red]
Ted: [commenting on Marshall's Pumpkin Latte joke] Alright, there's only two reasons she'd laugh at that: one, it's the first joke she's ever heard, or two, she likes you! You should totally ask her out.
Marshall: You think?
Ted: Yea! That's why you're not back with Lily, right? So you can experience what it's like to be single.
Marshall: Well, what if the heart doesn't mean anything? What if she writes it on all the cups?
Ted: Mine says 'Ted'. No heart.
Barney: Mine says S..Sw...Swarley. How'd they get 'Swarley' from 'Barney'? Who would ever be called Swarley?
[Marshall and Ted grin]
Barney: Oh please don't start calling me Swarley.
[Marshall and Ted continue grinning]
Barney: This would never happen at a bar! [he leaves]
Ted: Man, what's up with Swarley?
Marshall: I know. You almost never see ol' Swarles get that upset.
Ted: Psshh.
Ted: So I guess that decides it.
Marshall: Yep.
Barney: Hanging out at a coffee place not nearly as much fun as hanging out at a bar.
Ted: ...Hey, what's that?
Marshall: What?
Ted: That cute coffee girl wrote a heart by your name! [in a sing-song voice] Somebody has a crush on you!
Barney: [in a sing-song voice as well] Somebody thinks you're me!
Lily: [talks about Mr. Druthers] He was mean. And that's why I took away his ball.
Ted: What's the ball have to do with anything?
Lily: Druthers have to be tought he can't behave like that. When I was teaching kindergarten, whenever a kid was mean, I would take away one of his toys. The kid would be upset at first but then he'd learn to stop being mean.
Robin: Hey guys, what's going on?
Ted: Lily stole my boss's baseball signed three times by Pete Rose.
Robin: Why? Was he being mean?
Ted: Lily, question for you, why did I find Mr. Druthers's baseball sighed three times by Pete Rose in your desk drawer?
Lily: That's easy, I took it.
Ted: Give him his ball back right now! People are gonna get fired!
Lily: No, they're not! It's just a tantrum, Ted. I saw this in kindergarten all the time.
Ted: This isn't kindergarten. Mr. Druthers is an adult, and he wants his ball back!
Lily: It hurts my eyes.
Barney: Yeah, it doesn't go away.
Barney: You spooned me against my will.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • March 31st, 2007