My First Day Quotes
Dr. Cox: Pumpkin, that's modern medicine. Advances that keep people alive that should have died along time ago, back when they lost what made them people. Now your job is to stay sane enough so that when someone does come in that you actually can help, you're not so brain dead that you can't function-for the love of God, what?
J.D.: Its just... do you think we should be talking about this in front of her?
Dr. Cox: Her? She's dead. Write this down newbie, if you push around a stiff, nobody will ask you to do anything.
J.D.: You've been like a father to me.
Dr. Cox: Fair enough, you want some real advice? If they find out they nurses are doing your proceedures for you, your ass will be kicked out of here so fast it will make your head spin.
Janitor: The door is broke. Probably the fifth time or so it don't open.
J.D.: Maybe a penny's stuck in there.
Janitor: Why a penny?
J.D.: I don't know.
Janitor: Did you stick a penny in there?
J.D.: No, I-I was just making small talk.
Janitor: If I find a penny in there, I'm taking you down.
J.D.: You know how I'm totally down with the rap music?
Turk: Dude, be whiter.
J.D.: Here's the thing: TuPac, DMX, Dr. Dre, in most of their songs, these artists use an extremely volatile racial slur...the "N" word.
Turk: I got it.
J.D.: Right. My question is this: If we're both singing along, and knowing that otherwise I would never use the word, am I allowed to say...
Turk: No.
J.D.: See, that's good for me to know. I didn't...I didn't know that.
Elliot: I just hate it. I hate the "darlins" I hate the "sweethearts" ...
Carla: You don't need to tell me how hard it is being a woman around here.
Elliot: Well, you're certainly furthering the cause by wearing a thong to work and hooking up in the on-call room. Word gets around.
Carla: You talk like that, do you even know my name? I spend every second of my life either here, or taking care of my mom. So, yeah, maybe I needed a little closeness. I'm sure you never had a quickie at the club, right? Or snuck some skinny, flat-butted college boy up to your sorority room. And my thong? I happen to think it makes my ass look good. And some days, I need to feel good about something around here. And you judge me? Well, guess what, word does get around, Miss "Out For Herself", so you can dump on everyone here if you want; but you will not hurt me.
J.D.: Her name's Carla, by the way.
Ted: Finally, doctors, if there is a mistake, don't admit it to the patient. Of course, if the patient is deceased - and you're sure - you can feel free to tell him or her... anything.
• Vote for this Quote! • April 5th, 2007 J.D.: Dr. Kelso, he's always telling me, you know, "You've gotta stay positive!"
Dr. Cox: I'm gonna go ahead and say this just as carefully as possible so I don't overstate it: Dr. Kelso is the most evil human being on the planet. And may, in fact, be Satan, himself.
Turk: This morning, I had my hands inside of a guy's chest. I couldn't even see them! I should not be allowed to do stuff like that. Whazzup.
J.D.: And you weren't scared?
Turk: One way or another, everyone stops bleeding. That is so deep.
Carla: No it isn't.
Turk: It's a little deep.
Dr. Cox: Look, worst case scenario, you kill somebody, and that hangs over your head the rest of your life... But that is the absolute worst case scenario. Come on, newbie, look. Just have the nurses do all the stuff you're still too chicken to do, which I assume covers just about everything, and if you have a really rough admission-
J.D.: Call you?
Dr. Cox: No! I was gonna say go hide in the closet again!
J.D.'s narration: When I was young I could`ve slept over thunderstorms, hurricanes, you name it. Tonight, I didn`t sleep. You see, today isn`t just any other day, it`s my first day...
J.D. to himself: I`m the man!
[Camera pans J.D. inside the hospital]
J.D.'s narration: And four years of pre-med, four years of med school, and tons of unpaid loans have made me realize one thing...
Nurse Kearney: [Close-up] Good. Could you go drop an NG tube on the patient in 234, and call the attending if the lavage is positive?
[J.D. fidgets and looks around nervously]
J.D.'s narration: I don't know jack.
