My Mentor Quotes
Dr. Cox: Say anything else to him?
J.D.: Nope.
Dr. Cox: But you wanted to.
J.D.: Yeah, but you told me not to!
Dr. Cox: Geez, J.D., would you be a man? Lookit, if you can't stick to your convictions, you'll never make it as a doctor.
[J.D. feels so frustrated his head explodes]
Dr. Cox: I can't believe your head exploded. If your head explodes, you'll never make it as a doctor. I mean, come on, you look ridiculous.
J.D.: I look around and see how all my friends might die. [about Dr. Cox] Liver disease, [about Turk] heart disease, [about Elliot] somebody choking her, [about himself] stress.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • April 5th, 2007 Turk: I'm telling ya, Kelso didn't even ask, and she gave you full credit.
Carla: I don't care. Too little, too late. Plus, I know why you're really here. So, I'm gonna park myself right here in the "V.I.P. section," so you can give me what'cha got.
Turk: I was gonna tell you how I busted J.D.'s chops the other day for wanting to be friends with a girl. And now I find it so amazing to see how strong you are, how well you carry yourself, how I'd give anything just to wake up in the morning and watch you read the paper. But instead, I think you should hop off your broom for a second, try and remember what it was like when you first started here, and give Elliot a break. Because she may be a chore, but she is a good person... And your ass looks especially fine today. [starts to walk away]
Carla: Pick me up tomorrow at seven.
Turk: She's not the only one that can do a speech. I can do a speech.
Dr. Cox: Hey, newbie... know what your problem is?
J.D.: My bones hurt?
Dr. Cox: You were gonna, what, rescue me from loneliness with a $3 six-pack of light beer? It turns out we can't save people from themselves, newbie. We just treat 'em. We're gonna treat that kid with a respiratory problem, and when he comes back with cancer, go ahead and treat that too.
J.D.: Well, thanks for the pick-me-up.
Dr. Cox: Hey. Smokers, drinkers, druggies, fatties, whatever. All I'm saying is, if you keep living and dying on whether or not a person changes, well...you're not gonna make it as a doctor, that's all. Now come here and give me a hug. It's okay, come here. Come here. Get outta here! And take this piss water with you. It's embarrassing to have it here.
Dr Cox's friend: I'll drink it!
Dr. Cox: I'll take the beer. You'll beat it.
Dr. Cox: Would you stay? And watch the game with me? Maybe have a slice of pizza?
J.D.: Of course I will.
Dr. Cox: I can braid your hair. I know the couch isn't very deep, but we could move the back cushion and spoon. [Addressing his friends who have just walked in the door] Hey you guys, what do you say? Beer and chips in the back. [Turning back to J.D.] Just ignore them, and would you tell me the answer to this question: Do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?
Turk: Oh, come on, Carla, give me one good reason why you won't go out with me.
Carla: Well, you're a surgeon. So, you've got the god-complex, the c**kiness, the whole "married to the job" thing. You're cute, but you're very, very aware of it. You have no idea what I'm like, so all of your feelings for me are coming from down there [points at his crotch]. But most of all, I'm looking for the real thing; and you're nothing but a little boy who's not used to being told "no." So there's a bunch of reasons. Pick your favorite.
J.D.: I'd go with the "god-complex"...but it's hard to choose, you know, they're all so good.
Dr. Cox: Do you know what you've just done? You just lost all lap-dog privileges.
J.D.: Excuse me?
Dr. Cox: No more walkies, no more treats, no more following me around the hospital.
J.D.: I'm not your lap-dog.
Dr. Cox: Hey you, back there, what do we do with lap-dogs who can't behave in the house?
Doug: Make them stay outside?
Dr. Cox: That's right. You now have five seconds to get out of this room, otherwise I'm gonna start whacking you on the nose with this!
Elliot: Uh, Dr. Kelso! You're the Chief of Medicine, is there a 'special' way to communicate with the nursing staff that I'm not getting?
Dr. Kelso: Well, uh, sugar won't work because they're already so sweet. Now, listen Dr...Whatever-the-hell-your-name-is, you tattled yesterday, I responded - I feel closer to you than ever, really - but the ramifications are yours. So don't try to drag me into your pathetic, whiny, little squabble with that God-awful bunch of malcontents. I hope you all kill each other! Have a great day, ladies.
J.D.: Oh, Dr. Cox, I know I'm being annoying. But I-I'm really getting used to talking to patients. I mean, this is why I became a doctor; right? Right?
Dr. Cox: I heard "I know I'm being annoying," and then...white noise.
Elliot: Look, Turk, I know that I don't always make the best first impression...or second, for that matter. Anyway, I'd like us to be friends, and I thought, you know, maybe I could get to know you a bit better...see what you're about, uh, for instance, when did you meet Morgan Freeman?
Turk: That's my mom.
Elliot: ...I like her freckles!