My Screwup Quotes
Ted: You wanna quit? Then quit! But you sir are a Worthless Peon! And you will always will be a Worthless Peon! [hangs up the phone, turns to Dr. Kelso] Sir, you know my band? The Worthless Peons. Well, Chris from shipping and receiving wants to go solo. We lose him, we lose our sex appeal. He's the only one with hair. What do you think I should do?
Kelso: Ted you know my rule about personal problems. I'm not interested unless it involves my loved ones. Or possibly my wife.
Turk: You know Elliot, you are eventually going to have to take off your sock.
Elliot: If I do, then from now on when one of you guys look at me all you're going to think of me as giant gross foot. It's like that security guard with the hook for the hand. All everybody thinks when they look at him is, big giant afro.
Carla: I do think that.
[J.D. steps out of the shower wearing a pair of shorts. Dr. Cox and Ben look at him, puzzled.]
J.D.: What? They're my shower shorts.
[Later]
Dr. Cox: Those are the most ridiculous things I have ever seen. [referring to shorts]
J.D.: You know you're right. I was an idiot to buy these shower shorts. I mean it's not like they come with a complimentary shower wallet. [Produces wallet attached to shorts via elastic cord, which snaps back at him] Ow.
[Later]
Dr. Cox: Shower Shortz?
J.D.: [Advertisement voice] For the man who has nothing to hide. But still wants to.
