Scrubs Quotes (Page 3)
Dr. Cox: Alright, who can tell me anything about Mr. Pierce?
Keith: He uses oil heaters at his house in New Hampshire
Dr. Cox: That answer was either very sarcastic or very stupid, either way I'm whacking you with my clipboard [holds clipboard up] brace yourself.
Keith: Wait, he's hypoxic with a clear chest x-ray which can be a sign of carbon monoxide poisoning. I learned that watching House.
Lisa: House is a genius!
Dr. Cox: ...that's it I'm whacking both of you [whacks both] look I know you all curl up on your futons at night dreaming of cracking a real-life medical mystery so that some doctor slash super model will want to touch your eruption button, but here's the bad news, this isn't a TV show, there aren't any cameras over here, real medical mysteries don't happen every week and doctors damn sure don't look like models, they look like Rex.
Rex: What?
Dr. Cox: Chin up ya ugly bastard. So if you want to solve a real mystery go ahead and figure out who is taking my New York Times every Sunday, or better yet how bout why anybody on the planet actually thinks Dane Cook is funny. As far as Mr. Pierce goes he has your run of the mill pulmonary embolism, and I know, I know it's a boring medical diagnosis but that's what hospitals are: boring.
Todd::[to carla] I Remember I wanted to come in here to say something. Oh yeah, great vagina.
Turk:: TODD!
Carla:: Turk, he was only giving a compliment to Ms. Prescilla. Thank you Todd [Elliot stares at Carla in confusion] Oh, I named it after my high school art teacher.
Elliot::Oh my gosh me too! Mr. Hubbard, [deepens voice] It's nice to see you.
Dr. Kelso:: What the hell's with her?
Dr. Cox:: She's mad, but she can't give me the "silent treatment", because she knows I'd actually love that. So she's giving me the "talk until I commit suicide treatment".
Dr. Kelso:: Sucks to be you.
Dr. Cox:: You have no idea. [Starts eating his newspaper]
Jack:: [To Dr. Kelso] Your skin is wrinkly.
Dr. Kelso:: Yeah, well that little shirt you're wearing is gay.
Jack:: Daddy, what's that?
Dr. Cox:: That is the vagina of a 35 year old latina woman.
Janitor: Cool, Swamp Thing!
• Vote for this Quote! • July 5th, 2007 J.D: My Life is over.
Dr. Cox: Oh come on, you gotta focus on the positives. For instance the medical miracle that is one woman actually impregnating another woman. [smacks hands together] Sha-daisy!
Turk: Coincidentally, I have a cousin named Shadaisy.
J.D.: There was some unexpected friendly fire, and even though I never got a chance to enter the village, there was an airstrike on one of the outlying regions. I spoke to the gals up in Ob/G, and they said it's not uncommon for a woman to get pregnant even if there was no actual penetration
• Vote for this Quote! • July 5th, 2007 Dr. Kelso: Uh, Dr. Dorian, look. This is a bit awkward but as Chief of Medicine I feel obligated to ask you about your relationship with Dr. Briggs. Was she naughty? I bet she was a hellcat.
J.D.: Get help, sir.
Dr. Kelso: Never mind. It's better up here. [Points to head]
Janitor: This here's our new flagpole. Why don't you show old glory a little respect and snap off a salute?
J.D.: There's no flag up there.
Janitor: We're at war, my friend. All American flags are on backorder. What do you want me to do in the meantime? Run a pirate flag up there? Maybe turn the whole building into a pirate ship? I could put a captain's wheel up on the roof. Catch a parrot somehow, slap on an eye patch, go to work with a caulk gun, seal her up, make her watertight. I could take her out to sea.
J.D.: Are you insane?
Janitor: No. I'm a pirate.
