The Switch Quotes
George: You're not gonna do it? What do you mean, you're not gonna do it?
Jerry: I can't. I'm not an orgy guy.
George: Are you crazy? This is like discovering Plutonium ... by accident.
Jerry: Don't you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. I'd have to dress different. I'd have to act different. I'd have to grow a mustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I'd need a new bedspread and new curtains I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I'd have to get new friends. I'd have to get orgy friends. ... No, I'm not ready for it.
George: If only something like that could happen to me.
Jerry: Oh, shut up. You couldn't do it either.
George: I know.
George: What?
Jerry: The menage. And not only that. She just called me and said she talked to the roommate and the roommate's into the menage too.
George: That's unbelievable.
Jerry: Oh, it's a scene, man.
George: Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank god that you know me and have access to my dementia?
Jerry: What are you talking about? I'm not gonna do it.
George: So what happened?
Jerry: She's ... into it!
George: I'VE GOT IT!!
• Vote for this Quote! • June 29th, 2007 George: Well, I'm sure at some point between the years 800 and 1200 somewhere there were two women living together.
Jerry: The point is I intend to undertake this. And I'll do it with or without you. So if you're scared, if you haven't got the stomach for this, let's get it out right now. And I'll go on my own. If not, you can get on board, and we can get to work. Now what's it gonna be?
George: All right, damn it, I'm in.
George: Do you realize in the entire history of western civilization no one has successfully accomplished the roommate switch. In the Middle Ages you could get locked up for even suggesting it.
Jerry: They didn't have roommates in the Middle Ages.
George: How do you know?
Jerry: Well, for one thing they didn't have apartments.
George: Well, if I hear you correctly, and I think that I do, my advice to you is to finish your meal, pay the check, leave here and never speak to anyone about this again.
Jerry: Can't be done, huh?
George: The switch?
Jerry: The switch.
George: Can't be done.
