Toilet Paper Quotes
Stan: You'd better go over our story again so we don't screw it up
Cartman: Okay, last night all four of us were at the bowling alley until about 7:30 at which time we noticed Ally Sheedy the goth chick from The Breakfast Club who was bowling in the lane next to us when we asked her for her autograph but she didn't have a pen so we followed her out to her car but on the way we were accosted by five Scientologists who wanted to give us all personality tests which were administered at the Scientology Center in Denver until 10:45 at which time we accidentally boarded the wrong bus home and ended up in Ranchas des Fritas Rojes South of Castle Rock and finally got a ride home from a man who was missing his left index finger named Gary Bushwell arriving home at 11:46.
Kyle: I'm confused; did Ally Sheedy take the personality test?
Stan: Yes, dude!
Principal Victoria: Will you people stop barging into my office, please?
Josh: What's the matter Principal Victoria? Was your mother abusive? Did she spank your thighs with cold cuts and stick umbrellas up your ass?
Josh: Tell me something first. When you went to the academy you had something to prove—you wanted to protect and serve but mostly you just wanted to protect yourself. Who were you protecting yourself from, Officer Barbrady?
Officer Barbrady: Alright! Alright! My uncle Charles used to hit me with a belt!
Kyle: Ow! What the hell are you doing, Cartman?
Cartman: I'm killing you. Unfortunately I could only afford a wiffle bat so this may take a while.
Grocery Clerk: You know, son, I remember you coming in last week and buying this much toilet paper.
Cartman: Oh yeah, that's right.
Grocery Clerk: Toilet paper, toilet paper...
Kyle: You TP'd a house last week, Cartman?
Cartman: No, last Thursday night was Fajitas night.
Kyle: Oh… Awww!
Grocery Clerk: Hey, hey… now you kids be careful with this chewing gum, don't go sticking it under tables.
• Vote for this Quote! • September 4th, 2007
