South Park Quotes (Page 30)
Chef: Stan, sometime God takes those closest to us, because it makes him feel better about himself. He is a very vengeful god, Stan. He's all pissed off about something we did thousands of years ago. He just can't get over it! So he doesn't care who he takes. Children, puppies, it don't matter to him, so long as it makes us sad. Do you understand?
Stan: But then why does God give us anything to start with?
Chef: Well, look at it this way! If you want to make a baby cry, first you give it a lollipop. Then you take it away! If you never give it a lollipop to begin with, it would have nothing to cry about! That's like God, who gives us life and love and health, just so that he can tear it all away and make us cry. So he can drink the sweet milk of our tears! You see, it's our tears, Stan, that give God his great power.
Stan: I think I understand.
Cartman: [on the phone] Oh please! You tell me where you can get aborted fetuses for seventy cents on the dollar. You tell me Chuck…yeah, I didn't think so. You know, I'm just like the fetuses, Chuck, I wasn't born yesterday either!
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • September 2nd, 2007Kyle Broflovski: But what about Cartman?! He rips on ME for being Jewish! He's gonna tear THIS kid apart!!!!
• Vote for this Quote! • September 2nd, 2007 Jimmy: Why did the... pigeon cross the road?
Cartman: Okay, why?
Jimmy: Because it was having sex with the chihi... Because it was having sex with the ch-hi-hi... Because it was having sex with the ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch... eh, it was having sex with the ch-ch-hiicken.
Photographer: Take off your hat, please?
Kyle: But I never take off my hat.
Photographer: Come on now, I bet your parents want a picture of YOU lookin' natural.
Kyle: This is how I look natural.
Kyle: Uh, greetings from Canada. Well boys, it's 'aboot' time we get back to our 'hoose' in Canada, isn't it?
Cartman: Hey, what the hell are you talking about? I'm not a Goddamn Canadian and neither are you.
Stan: Cartman, you stupid asshole.
Randy Marsh: Sharon, don't you think maybe you should watch something else? You've been watching CNN for about…eight weeks now?
• Vote for this Quote! • September 2nd, 2007Randy Marsh: Stan, your mom's a little freaked out right now. Why don't you go outside and play with your big brown package from Afghanistan?
• Vote for this Quote! • September 2nd, 2007CNN Newscaster: The world has backed down from its support of the U.S., saying they were only really just kidding.
• Vote for this Quote! • September 2nd, 2007 Cartman: I told you, jawas have no heart.
Kyle: Jawas?
Cartman: You know, sand people.