Eric's Birthday Quotes
Fez: So, what did you get from Donna?
Eric: Nothing yet.
Kelso: Ohh! Maybe it's the big gift! You know, the really big gift! You guys know what I'm saying when I say the big gift, right?
Hyde: Yeah, we got it. And we got it.
Fez: I'm not even from here and I got it.
[Fantasy scene]
Donna: Now that the adults are gone, we can be as bad as we want!
Jackie: Who wants to give Eric a venereal disease?
Kelso: Hey look, coasters!
Hyde: Forget coasters.
Eric: Please fellas, my mom put out coasters for a reason.
Hyde: I think I'm gonna put my drink directly on the furniture. That way, it will leave a ring!
Eric: Noooo! Why, oh why, didn't I beg my mother to stay?
Fez: Quiet you silly American! I am making a long-distance call on your parent's phone!
Eric: But that's immoral!
Fez: Hah! In my country, of whereever it is I am from, I can never tell, morals get in the way of a good dirty time.
Kelso: So, Laurie, where is the party, you know, maybe we'll cruise by later.
Laurie: In your dreams you idiot.
Kelso: Okay, you guys had to see that!
Kitty: Birthday breakfast! And this is it young man. A few gifts tonight and that's the end. And it is too late to change your mind about a party now so don't think you're getting one or you will be sorely disappointed! [she laughs]
Red: Happy birthday. You know, the lawn's not gonna cut itself.
[Red & Kitty leave]
Eric: Thanks mom, dad.
Laurie: Hey little brother, nice tent!
Eric: [dreaming] Donna, Donna, it's three am! Are you crazy?
Donna: Crazy? Crazy in love with you! What is it about you that drives me wild with desire?
Eric: Well, I am seventeen now.
Donna: Shut up and sit down. I have to give you your birthday present. It can't wait any longer. Close your eyes! [she hands him her nightgown]
Eric: This is my birthday present?
Donna: No, that's my nightgown. I'm your present. Open your eyes birthday boy!
Eric: Oh Laurie, I just remembered, I can't loan you the VistaCruiser on account of I hate you.
Red: Laurie, you're not driving the VistaCruiser. It's old and undependable. It could break down and you'd be at the mercy of any maniac who came along. That's okay for Eric. But you're taking the Toyota. Oh, and here's a twenty.
Laurie: Will that cover gas?
Kitty: Oh well, it should. Honey, honey, give her another ten just in case.
Eric: I could probably use some gas money.
Red: Yeah. And if a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass when he hops.
Red: So, how's your friend Janice?
Laurie: Pregnant.
Kitty: Oh, she was such a nice girl, how does that happen?
Eric: Well, first the egg travels down the fallopian tube to the uterus where it attaches to the wall...
Red: Eric, for God's Sakes, that's no language for a woman to hear!
Laurie: It's okay Red, I know what a fallopian tube is. I think mom does too.
Kelso: Wouhouhouhouhou! Oh! Yeah! Your sister wants me! I mean you saw her coming on to me right?...Remember? I said 'Hello Laurie' and Laurie said:
Laurie: Hello Kelso. I'm waiting and I want you baby, to take me now. I need it bad, I need it all night. And Momma loves her baby. I'm completely naked under this and I'm hot for you Kelso!
Kelso: What? You didn't see it?
Eric: Why don't you go upstairs?
Laurie: I am waiting for my jeans to come out of the dryer. And I want you to stay off my case. It'll only take me a minute.
Eric: I don't think Kelso is gonna last that long.
Laurie: Too bad. It's not like I'm completely naked under this. I'm wearing underwear, see? [pulls up her sweat shirt, and the boys groan] If we were at the beach, you wouldn't even notice me.
Hyde: If we were at the beach, Kelso would be in the water right now.
Fez: [seeing Laurie] Holy Mother!
Kelso: Hello Laurie.
Laurie: Hello Kelso, Hyde.
Fez: Who is the goddess?
Kelso: The goddess is Eric's sister.
Hyde: She's not a goddess, she's more the earth mother whore type, which works for me.
