The Office Quotes (Page 11)
Dwight: There are several penises there I'd love Phyllis to run her eyes over.
• Vote for this Quote! • June 29th, 2007 Jim: [picking up a ticket on his desk] What's this?
Dwight: That is a demerit.
Jim: "Jim Halpert, tardiness." Oh, I love it already.
Dwight: You've got to learn, Jim, you're second in command, but that does not put you above the law.
Jim: Oh I understand. And I also have lots of questions. Like what does a demerit mean?
Dwight: Let's put it this way. You do not want to receive three of those.
Jim: Lay it on me.
Dwight: Three demerits, and you'll receive a citation.
Jim: Now that sounds serious.
Dwight: Oh it is serious. Five citations, and you're looking at a violation. Four of those, and you'll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning. Two of those, that'll land you in a world of hurt in the form of a disciplinary review, written up by me and placed on the desk of my immediate superior.
Jim: Which would be me.
Dwight: That...is correct.
Jim: Okay, I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disadulation.
Dwight: What's a dis...what's that?
Jim: Oh, you don’t want to know.
[Dwight is scared]
Michael: Women can't have fun if they don't feel safe. For example, Jan and I have a safe word in case things go too far. Foliage. And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop. Although last time, she pretended she didn't hear me.
• Vote for this Quote! • June 29th, 2007Michael: My point is...a penis when seen in the right context is the most wonderful sight for a woman. But when seen in the wrong context it's like a monster movie.
• Vote for this Quote! • June 29th, 2007Dwight: I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • June 29th, 2007Jim: (dressed as Dwight) Last week, I was in a drugstore and I saw these glasses. Four dollars. And it only cost me seven dollars to recreate the rest of the ensemble. And that's a grand total of.. (punches in numbers in his watch, and holds it up to the camera.) Eleven dollars.
• Vote for this Quote! • June 29th, 2007 Michael: Let me tell you something. Something from the heart. I am not leaving this office. It will take a SWAT team, to remove me from this office, and maybe not even that."
Dwight: Uh, you could never withstand a SWAT team.
Michael: That's how devoted I am to this job.
Dwight: I'm just saying...
Michael: I know.
Dwight: They would flank you. Throw in a concussion grenade.
Michael: I understand that, Dwight.
Dwight: You would be on the ground, blind, deaf, dumb.
Michael: Do you think you're taking it a little... literally, Dwight? And now we're wasting tape. I'm gonna have to cut this all out. Can you say cut?
Dwight: Cut.
Michael: So I'll know where---
Pam: Cut.
Michael: I'm asking Pam to do it, please.
Pam: Cut.
Kelly: This day is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s. This day is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • June 29th, 2007 Jim: Look at that.
Dwight: I'm Jim Halpert.
Jim: Spot on.
Dwight: Bleahhh. Little comment. Blah!
Mrs. Allen: I'm calling the Better Business Bureau!
Michael: Yeah, well, I'm calling the Ungrateful Bee-yotch Hotline!
