The Office Quotes (Page 2)
Michael: Hey, hey, hey!
Oscar: Michael, are you having money problems?
Michael: Monkey problem? No, I'm not having monkey problems. Why would I have monkey problems?
Oscar: You heard me correctly.
Michael: I hate monkeys.
Pam: What's going on, why do you have a second job?
Michael: I don't have a second job. Maybe I'm having an affair with Suzanne Sommers.
Pam: Doesn't Jan have money?
Michael: I don't talk to my girlfriend about money. It is rude and unsexual.
Kevin: True, it's best to hide our money problems from women.
Michael: I totally agree with you. But I don't have money problems, I don't. Alright, you know what? Watch this, if I had money problems, would I do this? [Michael takes out a dollar bill, crumples it up and puts it back in his pocket]
Stanley: You just put it back in your pocket.
Michael: Yeah, but I destroyed it. It's not even useable anymore.
Dwight: My girlfriend and I broke up recently. And I must say, I am relieved. Gives me a chance to sow my wild oats. In the Schrute family, we have a tradition, where when the male has sex with another woman, he is rewarded with a bag of wild oats left on his door step by his parents. You can use these oats to make oatmeal, bread, whatever you want. I don't care - they're your oats.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • October 30th, 2007 Ryan: What I really want, honestly, Michael, is for you to know it so you can communicate it to the people here, to your clients, to whomever.
Michael: Oh okay...
Ryan: What?
Michael: It's whoever, not whomever.
Ryan: No, it's whomever.
Michael: No, whomever is never actually right.
Jim: Well, sometimes it's right.
Creed: Michael is right. It's a made-up word used to trick students.
Andy: No. Actually, whomever is the formal version of the word.
Oscar: Obviously it's a real word, but I don't know when to use it correctly.
Michael: Not a native speaker.
Michael: I just love sales. I love it to death. It's as simple as that. And I don't get to do it enough as a manager, so I took this second job. I count it as a hobby. Some people have golf, or relaxing.
• Vote for this Quote! • October 30th, 2007 Michael: So bankruptcy is kind of like the witness protection program?
(in unison)
Oscar: NOT AT ALL.
Creed: EXACTLY.
Creed: Creed Bratton has never declared bankruptcy. When Creed Bratton gets in trouble, he transfers his debt to William Charles Schneider.
• Vote for this Quote! • October 30th, 2007Dwight: As of this morning, we are completely wireless here on Schrute Farms. So as soon as I find out where Mose hid all the wires, we can have power back on.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • October 30th, 2007 Dwight: Schrute Farms, guten tag! How may I help you?...Yes we have availability on those nights...How many in your party?...Oh no, I'm sorry, no king beds...No queen either...Well, we make our own mattresses that don't conform to the usual sizes. Closest would be twin...Thank you so much for calling. Call back again, auf wiedersehen!
Jim: Hey, Dwight.
Dwight: None of your business, Jim.
Andy: Look Angela, I know this is weird because we work together and because up until and possibly including now I've repulsed you, but I like you.
Angela: I'm not dating you.
Jim: There's this cube on the screen which bounces around all day. And sometimes, it looks like it's going right in the corner of the screen and at the last minute it hits the wall and bounces away. We are all just dying to see it go right into the corner. Pam claims that she saw it one day when she was alone in the conference room. Okay. I believe she thinks she saw it.
Pam: I saw it. I saw it and it was amazing. Who said I didn't see it? Did Jim say that I didn't see it? I saw it!
