The Office Quotes (Page 56)
Michael: The most sacred thing I do is care. And provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money. I heal them. Today I am in charge of picking a great new healthcare plan. Right, that’s what this is all about. Does that make me their doctor? Um… yes. In a way. Yeah, like a specialist.
• Vote for this Quote! • April 18th, 2007 Dwight: Someone forged medical information, and that's a felony.
Jim: OK, Whoa, alright 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake?
Dwight: [reading from a sheet] Uh, Leprosy, Flesh Eating Bacteria, Hot Dog Fingers, Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection.
Dwight: Who wrote this little number down? Inverted penis
[long pause]
Meredith: Could you take that to mean vagina? Because I want that covered.
Dwight: I thought you had your vagina removed during your hysterectomy.
Meredith: A uterus is different from a vagina. I still have a vagina.
Dwight: OK, first let's go over some parameters. How many people can I fire?
Michael: Uh, none. You're picking a healthcare plan.
Dwight: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
Dwight: So I can lower it.
Dwight: The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won't receive the care they need because someone in this office is coming up with ridiculous stuff. Count Choculitis....Why did you write that down, Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?
• Vote for this Quote! • April 18th, 2007Dwight: In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, 'Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me. I'm dead.' Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • April 18th, 2007 Dwight [Reading suggestions for health-care coverage]: Who thought of this one? Anal fissures.
Kevin: That's a real thing.
Dwight: Yeah, but no one here has it.
Kevin: [quietly] Someone has it.
Michael: [after the role-playing exercise] Man, I should've gotten some food.
Kevin: [still role-playing as an Italian] Maybe some spaghetti.
Michael: Okay, Kevin, you can take off that thing. That would really, really show him up, wouldn't it? If I brought in some burritos or some colored greens or some pad thai. I love pad thai.
Stanley: It's "collard greens."
Michael: What?
Stanley: It's "collard greens."
Michael: No, that doesn't really make any sense. Because you don't call them "collard" people. That's offensive.
Kevin: [to Angela who is role-playing as a Jamaican] Do you wanna go to the beach?
Angela: Sure.
Kevin: Do you wanna get high?
Angela: No.
Kevin: I think you do, mon.