The Simpsons Quotes
Ralph Wiggum: I'm a brick!
• Vote for this Quote! • August 3rd, 2007 Kent Brockman: I'm here with Rainier Wolfcastle, star of the McBain movies, telling me about his new film, Help, My Son Is A Nerd.
Rainier Wolfcastle: My teenage son returns from a fancy East Coast college, and I'm horrified to discover he's a nerd.
Kent Brockman: I'm laughing already.
Rainier Wolfcastle: It's not a comedy.
Homer: I'm sorry Marge, but I refuse to live under the same roof with a member of the LIBERAL media!
Marge: [to Kent] You'll have to excuse him, he watches too much FOX News.
Homer: Did you know that every day, Mexican gays sneak into the country and unplug brain-dead ladies?
Rod: Daddy, what are you doing?
Ned Flanders: Imploring people I never met to pressure government with better things to do to punish a man who meant no harm for something nobody even saw, that's what I'm doing!
Todd: Daddy, I think we need a new mommy.
Ned: One problem at a time!
Krusty: Damn that Brockman! There are only two rules in TV -- don't swear and don't whip it out! It's not rocket science!
• Rating 4.3 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 3rd, 2007Kent Brockman: Earlier on this broadcast, I said a word so vile that it should only be uttered by Satan himself while sitting on the toilet. I apologize and will make a large donation to charities that fight teen cursing. Good night.
• Vote for this Quote! • August 3rd, 2007 Marge: Oh hi kids, you're just in time to go to the dentist!
Bart: DENTIST?! You said we were going to ride dirt bikes around the cemetery!
Lisa: Oh, Bart, you fall for that every six months.
Homer: [Pulls up on a dirt bike] Hey, suckers, check it out -- Marge is taking me to ride dirt bikes at the cemetery!
Lisa: You're going to the dentist too, Dad.
Homer: [solemnly] Why the cemetery, I wondered? But my dreams were too strong...
Dentist: Here's a free tooth-brush! Keep those teeth clean! [handing Bart a bag]
Bart: So you're saying I should do your job, for you, at home, for free? You wish! [Throws the bag in the trash can]
Kent: [after Homer spills coffee on him] OW! That hurt like a [words are muffled outside the Simpsons house; we go into the house where the pets and the children are open mouthed; Maggie's pacifier falls on the floor; Marge enters the room]
Marge: What did I miss?
Lisa: Kent Brockman just said a very bad swear!
Marge: Which one? [long silence]
Bart: I'll "Etch it-Sketch it" for you. [grabs an Etch it-Sketch-it and begins sketching] Etch-sketch-etch-sketch! [hands it to Marge who gasps in horror]
Marge: [giving it back to Bart] SHAKE IT OFF! SHAKE IT OFF!
Bart: [rapidly shaking the Etch it-Sketch-it] IT WON'T COME OFF!
Marge: [Bart throws it on the floor face down] Where's the hammer?! [runs to get the hammer, returns and smashes the Etch it-Sketch it]
Skinner: Good work Lisa.
Bart: Hey, what about me? I almost died and so did Willie!
Willie: [having CPR done to him] Ahh, leave me be, I don't want to live if I have to clean up this mess!
