Bart Carny Quotes
Marge: We can't just give up our home. There's gotta be a way to get those guys out of there.
Bart: I say we set fire to the house. Kill 'em that way.
Marge: We don't want to kill them, Bart. We just want our home back.
Lisa: Well, if we did set fire to the house--
Marge: No fires!
Homer: I've got it!
Marge: No fires!
Homer: Oh.
Marge: There must be a way to outsmart them.
Homer: Ah, you can't outsmart carnival folk. They're the cleverest folk in the world. Just look at the way they sucker regular folk with those crooked games. [gasps] That's it. Fire! [Marge glares] Or--
Homer: Carnies took over our house! You've gotta help us!
Chief Wiggum: Well, well, look who's here. Mr. No-Bribe. Sure, we'll help you. Just sit down and wait for Detective Like-I-Give-A-Damn.
Homer: Thank you so much.
Lisa: Dad.
Homer: Honey, Daddy's waiting for the detective.
Chief Wiggum: Uh, I hate to interrupt your fun, boys, but I got a few complaints that your game is crooked.
Homer: [laughs] And how.
Chief Wiggum: Gee, I'd hate to close you down. Maybe we can reach a little, uh, understanding here. [Holds out the palm of his hand and motions his fingers so as to suggest that this is a bribe]
Homer: I understand.
Bart: Um, hey, Dad, I-- I think he wants--
Homer: Not right now, son. Daddy's talking to a policeman.
Chief Wiggum: Uh, let me put it this way. I'm looking for my friend Bill. [nods as he says Bill] Have you seen any Bills around here? [nods]
Homer: No. [points at Bart] He's Bart.
Chief Wiggum: [groans] I-- Listen carefully, and watch me wink as I speak, okay?
Homer: Okay.
Chief Wiggum: The guy I'm really looking for--wink--is Mr. Bribe--wink, wink. [holds out hand again]
Homer: It's a ring toss game.
Chief Wiggum: All right, that's it, I'm shutting this game down.
Carnival Owner: Alright, now this geek bit is pretty straightforward. You just bite the heads off the chickens, take a bow. Go on, give it a try. Remember, big smiles.
Homer: Uh, Bart?
Bart: Yeah, Dad?
Homer: Do I like chicken?
Bart: Does it matter?
Homer: I guess not.
Cooder: Son, if you don't finish your cotton candy, you won't get your snow cone.
Spud: Aw, heck.
Marge: (referring to the Tooth Chipper ride) But it doesn't look safe. And the guy running it looks a little seedy. [to carny] No offense.
Carny: None taken.
Homer: He's not just some guy, Marge. He's a carny, and part of a noble tradition. Carnies built this country-- the carnival part of it anyway. And though they may be rat-like in appearance, they are truly kings among men.
Carny: Okay, let's go, fatty.
Homer: Yes, sir.