I Love Lisa Quotes
Lisa: Cheif Wiggum, how did you get these tickets?
Cheif Wiggum: Krusty knows how to play ball.
[Flashback: Krusty sits in a porno theater. Wiggum enters behind him.]
Cheif Wiggum: Ahhh...nothin' beats a good porno movie!
Krusty: (startled) Cheif Wiggum! Is this a bust?
Cheif Wiggum: Uh, yeah. That's what it is, a bust.
[Back to reality...]
Lisa: That story isn't appropriate for children!
Cheif Wiggum: Really? I keep my pants on in this version.
Lisa: I don't even know if I should go. I don't even like him!
Bart: You're right, Lis. You shouldn't go. It wouldn't be honest! I'll go, disguised as you!
Lisa: But what if he wants to hold hands?
Bart: I'm prepared to make that sacrifice!
Lisa: What if he wants a kiss!?
Bart: I'm prepared to make that sacrifice!
Lisa: What if he...
Bart: You don't wanna know how far I'll go!
Ralph Wiggum: My doctor says I wouldn't get so many nosebleeds if I just kept my finger out of there.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 16th, 2007 Krusty: And now it's time for my favorite part of the show! (reading cue card) Whazzat say? "Talk to the audience!?" Oh-ho God, this his always death! Alright!
[Krusty wanders through the crowd. He makes is way toward Ralph and Lisa.]
Lisa: (quietly) Oh, no! Please don't show me with Ralph!
Krusty: What's your name, young man?
Ralph: Ralph!
Lisa: Ohhhh....
Krusty: And is this your *girlfriend* Ralph?
Ralph: Yes! I love Lisa Simpson and when I grow up, I'm going to marry her!
Lisa: NNNNOOOOOOOOOO! Now you listen to me! I don't like you! I never liked you! And the only reason I gave you that stupid valentine is because nobody else would!
[The action stops. Bart and Lisa are watching the incident on tape. Bart has the remote.]
Bart: Watch this, Lis. You can actually pinpoint the exact moment when his heart rips in half. Aaaaaannnnndddd....there!