'Round Springfield Quotes
Homer: Lisa, honey, if you really want to preserve his memory, I recommend getting a tattoo. It preserves the things you love.
[Homer pulls up his shirt sleeve]
Homer: Starland Vocal Band?! They suck!
Lisa: Two-hundred and fifty dollars? But I need that record to honor Bleeding Gums's memory!
Comic Book Guy: He's dead? Well why didn't you say so?
Rev. Lovejoy: We are gathered together to bid farewell to "Blood and Guts" Murphy.
Lisa: No, it was "Bleeding Gums" Murphy!
Rev. Lovejoy: Ew. Anyway, "Bloody Gums" Murphy was quite the sousaphone player...
Lisa: Saxophone! He was a jazz musician! You didn't know him! Nobody knew him, but he was a great man! And I won't rest until all of Springfield knows the name of "Bleeding Gums" Murphy!
Homer: And I won't rest until I've gotten a hot dog!
Marge: Homer, this is a cemetary!
Hot Dog Vendor: Hot dogs! Get your hot dogs here!
Homer: Woo-hoo!
Marge: What do you do? Follow my husband around?
Hot Dog Vendor: Lady, he's putting my kids through college!
Krusty: And I maintain that those tourist were decapitated *before* they entered the Krustyland House of Knives. Next question.
Reporter: What about that little boy who got appendecitis from eating your cereal?
[Camera pans over to Bart, who stands with Lionel Hutz.]
Krusty: To prove that this metal O is harmless, I will personally eat one! (He does.) See, there's...(suddenly writhing in pain) Owwww! Oooh, boy! This thing is shredding my insides!
Sideshow Mel: Um, Krusty. That wasn't a metal one. That was a regular Krusty-O.
Krusty: (weakly) It's poison!
Krusty: Hey kids, it's story time! [laughs] I'm gonna tell you the story of Krusty's expensive new suit. His sexual harassment suit! [begins to laugh, groans] ...oh boy. Anyway, as part of Krusty's plea bargain, he has a new court-ordered sidekick, Ms. No-Means-No! Whoa! You're hot! Let's get some dinner after the show!
[Ms. No Means No blows her whistle and brandishes her 'No' sign at Krusty.]
Krusty: But I have dinner with all my employees. Right, Sideshow Mel?
Mel: We've never spoken outside of work.
Bart: [watching on TV] I'm surprised he doesn't try to blame his problems on his Percodan addiction.
Krusty: [Back on the show] It wasn't my fault! It was the Percodan! If you ask me, that stuff rots your brain. And now a word from our new sponsor... [reads card] ...Percodan?! Ahh crap!
Homer: Man, these are primo seats! I sure could go for a hot dog!
Marge: Homer, this is an operation!
Hot Dog Vendor: Hot dogs! Get your hot dogs here!
Homer: Woo-hoo!