Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala-Annoyed-Grunt-cious Quotes
Lisa: Do you think we'll ever see her again?
Homer: I'm sure we will, honey. [Shary is sucked into a passing plane's jet engine] I'm sure we will.
Shary: [bottles of beer are scattered on the floor and on the couch; singing, obviously drunk] Wasted away again in Margaritaville.
Barney: Searching for my lost shaker of salt. [spoken] Oh, here it is. [shakes salt into his mouth.]
Homer: Ooh, I can't get enough of this blood pudding.
Bart: The secret ingredient is blood.
Homer: Blood? Ugh! I'll just stick to the brain and kidney pie, thank you.
Burns: Bah, humbug.
Shary: Oh, Mr. Burns, I think you'll find all life's problems just float away when you're flying a kite. [gives him one]
Burns: Balderdash. This is the silliest load of... [watches his kite] ...oh, look at it fly! Whee-hee-hee-hee-hee! Look at me, Smithers. [dark clouds gather ominously] I feel practically Superduperfragicalicexpiala-d'oh! [lightning strikes the kite and shocks Mr. Burns, knocking him on the ground] What's this strange sensation in my chest?
Smithers: I think your heart's beating again.
Burns: Oh, that takes me back. God bless you, Shary Bobbins.
Homer: Question one: Do you have any bad habits we should worry about?
Shary: I'm practically perfect in every way.
Homer: So am I. [drinks from a milk carton, scratches his butt, then belches] Question two: Who was your last employer?
Shary: Lord and Lady Huffington of Sussex.
Homer: [whispering] Marge, do we know them?
Marge: No.
Homer: Come on! Isn't he the guy I bowl with? The black guy.
Marge: That's Carl.
Homer: Oh yeah! [back to Shary] So! You worked for Carl, eh?
Shary: Hello, I'm Shary Bobbins.
Homer: Did you say Mary Po-
Shary: No, I definitely did not. I'm an original creation, like Rickey Rouse, or Monald Muck. Now, as your nanny, I'll do everything from telling stories to changing diapers.
Grandpa: Put me down for one of each.
Pennyfeather: Hello, I'm Mrs. Pennyfeather. I understand you are looking for a nanny.
Marge: Pleased to meet you.
Homer: Wait a minute, Marge. I saw "Mrs. Doubtfire." This is a man in drag! [starts pulling at her hair as if it were a wig] You're phony! Fakey, phony broad! [runs after her] Gimme those!
Marge: Homer, if you're going to do that to every applicant, we're never going to find one.
Homer: Sorry.
Periwinkle: Hello, I'm Mrs. Periwinkle. [Homer growls and jumps after her]
Bart: And I'll take up smoking and give that up.
Homer: Good for you, son. Giving up smoking is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. Have a dollar.
Homer: All right, Marge, I'll get you your nanny. And to pay for it, I'll give up the Civil War re-creation society I love so much. [at Moe's, everyone, including Moe, is dressed like 1800s military generals]
Moe: [hangs up the phone] Well, Homer's out. We gotta find a new General Ambrose Burnside.
Barney: [dressed like Lincoln] But I'm not too crazy about our Stonewall Jackson.
Apu: [Apu emerges from the Men's room dressed like a Hindu military official] The south shall [brightly] come again!
Homer: Your mother seems really upset about something. I better go have a talk with her -- during the commercial.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 24th, 2007