The Principal and the Pauper Quotes
Skinner: The judge offered me a choice: jail, the army, or apologize to the judge and old lady. Of course, if I knew there was a war going on, I probably would have apologized.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 25th, 2007 Lisa: A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
Bart: Not if you called 'em stench blossoms.
Homer: Or crapweeds.
Marge: I'd sure hate to get a dozen crapweeds for Valentine's Day. I'd rather have candy.
Homer: Not if they were called scumdrops.
Lisa: So, in 1966, a brave young man named Seymour Skinner enlisted and shipped out to Vietnam where he rose to become platoon sergeant. Ralph?
Ralph: Principal Skinner is an old man who lives at the school. Lisa?
Lisa: Sergeant Skinner was a hero. He risked capture many times behind enemy lines.
Ralph: Teacher made me go to Principal Skinner's office when I was dirty.
Lisa: And he survived to make it back to Springfield, where he became the fine educator we salute tonight.
Ralph: When I grow up, I want to be a principal or a caterpillar. I love you, Principal Skinner.
Mrs. Krabappel: Oh, Superintendent Chalmers! Can I offer you a cup of coffee-flavored beverine?
Chalmers: Yeah, I take it gray with creamium. But first, before Skinner shows up, I have a secret announcement. In honor of Seymour's twentieth year as principal, we've decided to hold a surprise tribute Friday night.
Willie: It's my twentieth year, too.
Chalmers: [rolling his eyes] The teachers' lounge is for teachers, Willie.
Skinner: From now on, you'll see a new Seymour Skinner!
Agnes: Oh, no; we won't!
Skinner: Yes, Mother.
Superintendent Chalmers: Armin Tamzarian's reign of terror is over! Now let us welcome our new Principal Skinner... Principal Seymour Skinner! [audience is confused, Chalmers points to Sgt. Skinner] Uh, him.
• Vote for this Quote! • July 25th, 2007 Homer: Okay, once more. Where are we going?
Edna: To Capital City.
Homer: And why are you and the old lady in the car?
Agnes: We're gonna talk Armin Tamzarian into coming back.
Homer: And why is Marge here?
Marge: I came up with the idea.
Homer: And why am I here?
Marge: Because the streets of Capital City are no place for three unescorted ladies.
Homer: Why are the kids here?
Marge: Because we couldn't find Grandpa to sit for them.
Homer: And why is Grandpa here?
Grandpa: Because Jasper didn't want to come by himself!
Homer: Fair enough.
Agnes Skinner: I have no son!
Homer: Look, lady, you obviously have at least one son.
Agnes: No! I have one stranger and one fraud!
Edna Krabappel: Is this the line for people who want to badmouth Sergeant Skinner,
Marge: And have 10 items or less.
Edna: [tossing out items] 12, 11, 10. The man's a weenie!
Lisa: Ralph and I could do the report together.
Ms. Hoover: Your funeral.