The Simpsons Quotes (Page 16)
Apu: Let's see—Farmer Billy's smoke-fed bacon, Farmer Billy's bacon-fed bacon, Farmer Billy's travel bacon... Mr. Simpson, if you really want to kill yourself, I also sell handguns!
• Vote for this Quote! • August 2nd, 2007Homer: (attempting to pie Mr. Burns) I've run out of pie-related puns!
• Vote for this Quote! • August 2nd, 2007Homer: But I'm no super genius! ... Or are I?
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 2nd, 2007Bart: What did those women expect? When you sign a contract with FOX
• Vote for this Quote! • August 2nd, 2007 Host of Promiscuous Idiot's Island: Now, ladies, when you agreed to do this show, you were told you would be living with a millionaire on his private island. Well, I'm afraid we've misled you. (the women gasp)
Marge (watching show): Get ready, skanks! Here comes the Truth Train!
Host: This isn't an island at all. It's a peninsula!
Woman 1: (walking away) This was supposed to be about trust!
Woman 2 (crying): I just want to get on that boat and go home!
Host: Well, you don't need a boat, because you can walk.
Homer: Hey, I know you! We met in a police line-up!
Bum: Oh yeah! You know, number two and number four are an item now.
Homer: You don't need to tell me. I was number three.
Bart: What are you talking about?
Homer: When a woman says nothing's wrong that means everything's wrong. And when a woman says everything's wrong that means EVERYTHING's wrong. And when a woman says something's not funny, you better not laugh your ass off!
Lisa: (thinking) Oh, my God, my brother's my best friend!
Bart: (thinking) Oh, my God, my sister's my best friend!
Marge: (thinking) Diamonds! I still can't believe he gave me diamonds!
Homer: (thinking) Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the baldest of them of all?
Milhouse: Then let's just say I don't care what people think of me anymore.
Bart: You mean up until now you did care? Then why did you wear that tutu to school last week?
Milhouse: What about all the times I didn't wear a tutu? Nobody ever brings those up.
Billboard Homer sees while driving: Diamonds... because money equals love
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 2nd, 2007