The Simpsons Quotes (Page 86)
Homer: Yabba, dabba doo! (Runs away, skids along a pipe, out a window, and smashes through the window of his car, breaking the glass.)(singing) Simpson, Homer Simpson. He's the greatest guy in history. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree! AAAAAAAAAHHH!!! [Homer and his car, indeed, hits a chestnut tree]
• Vote for this Quote! • July 16th, 2007 Homer: Kids, kids, I'm not gonna die. That only happens to bad people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: Umm ... he sold poisoned milk to school children.
Mr. Burns: (watching Homer eating donuts on the security monitor; talking indirectly to Homer) Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poisoned donut. (Turns to Smithers) There is a poisoned one, isn't there, Smithers?
Smithers: No, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers. They consider it murder.
Mr. Burns: Damn their oily hides!
Bart: Nothing you say can upset us. We're the MTV generation.
Lisa: We feel neither highs or lows.
Homer: Really? What's it like?
Lisa: Meh. [shrugs].
[Homer sits in Rev. Lovejoy's office.]
Homer: Now I know I haven't been the best Christian. In fact, when you're up there blah-blah-blahing, I'm usually doodling or mentally undressing the female parishoners. Anywho, can I have $40,000?
[Rev. Lovejoy lookes annoyed. Cut to: Rabbi Krustofsky's office.]
Homer: Now I know I haven't been the best Jew. But I rented "Fiddler on the Roof," and I will watch it! Anywho, can I have $40,000?
[Rabbi Krustofsky also looks annoyed. Cut to: A Hindu temple.]
Homer: Now I know I haven't been the best...ah, forget it!
[Dr. Nick watches a video on how to perform a surgery]
Narrator: (on video) Insert the retractor until the ribs swing open like a rusty drawbridge. [crrrraaacckkk]
Dr. Nick: Oh, no! Blood, ew!
Todd Flanders: I get to clothe the leper.
Rod Flanders: Lucky!
Ned Flanders: Supper time boys!
Todd Flanders: Oh boy, liver!
Rod Flanders: Iron helps us play!
Homer: (to Maggie) You know Maggie, the sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back. (switches lights off) I hope you never say a word. (goes out)
Maggie: Daddy.
Homer: (to Baby Lisa) Can you say Daddy?
Baby Lisa: Homer.
Homer: No sweetie, Daddy.
Baby Lisa: Homer.
Homer: D'oh
[The family tries to get Maggie to talk.]
Marge: Maggie, can you say "Mama?" Can you say "Baba?"
Bart: Can you say "Get bent?"
Marge: Bart!
Bart: Mr. Rogers says it all the time!
Marge: He does not!