The Simpsons Quotes (Page 88)
Mr. Burns: You're fired!
Marge: You can't fire me just because I'm married. I'm going to sue the pants off you!
Mr. Burns: Oh, you don't have to sue me to get my pants off!
Repairman: You know the problem here is water leakage, if you just buy a 50 cent washer.
Homer: I have a better idea, GET THE HELL OUT!
Repairman: Look, I've got some washers in my truck, I'll give you one.
Homer: Marge, get my gun.
Mrs. Krabappel: Bart, have you ever read The Boy Who Cried Wolf?
Bart: I'm halfway through it, I swear!
Burns: I dreamed about her again last night, Smithers. You know that dream where you're in bed and they fly in through the window?
Smithers: Mmmmm... [has the exact vision, with Mr. Burns flying straight through his window onto his bed.] You've been reading my wishbook, sir.
Burns: I must have her! Smithers, zoom in. Closer! Closer! Closer, dammit!
[the camera hits Marge in the forehead]
Marge: Ow!
Burns: Too close
Marge: So what do I do?
Smithers: Mrs. Simpson, according to your résumé, you invented this machine.
Smithers: This résumé is very impressive. Let me be the first to say Abibu gazini.
Marge: What?
Smithers: "Welcome aboard." I guess my Swahili's not as good as yours.
Smithers: I prepared a special musical number for Jack's special night.
Smithers: There is a man
Chorus: There is a man!
Smithers: A certain man
Chorus: A certain man!
Smithers: A man whose grace and handsome face are known across the land. You know his name
Chorus: You know his name!
Smithers: It's Mr. Burns
Chorus: It's Mr. Burns!
Smithers: He loves a smoke, enjoys a joke
Burns & Chorus: Ah ha ha ha!
Smithers: Why he's worth ten times what he earns.
Chorus: He's Mr. Burns!
Burns: I'm Mr. Burns!
Smithers: He's Monty Burns!
Burns: I'm Mr. Burns!
Smithers & Chorus: To friends he's known as Monty but to you it's Mr. Burns!
Smithers: Bur-bur-bur-bur-Burns.
Burns: Burns!
[Lisa returns from seeing the Itchy & Scratchy Movie]
Bart: So, how was it?
Lisa: It wasn't that great...
Bart: Be honest.
Lisa: It was the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life! And you wouldn't beleive the guest stars who did cameos! Dustin Hoffman, Michael Jackson - of course, they didn't use their real names, but you could tell it was them!
Homer: You know when I was a boy I really wanted a catcher's mit, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
Bart: Dad, what's the point of this story.
Homer: I like stories.