The Simpsons Quotes (Page 89)
Elderly Homer: Which one's the mouse?
Elderly Bart: Itchy.
Elderly Homer: Itchy's a jerk.
[Bart and Lisa run into the living room.]
Lisa: Dad! We did something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Bart: No.
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Lisa: Yes!
Homer: But the car's okay?
Bart and Lisa: Uh-huh.
Homer: Okay, then!
Carl: Hey, I hear we're going to Ape Island.
Lenny: Yeah, to capture a giant ape. I wish we were going to Candy Apple Island.
Charlie: What do they got there?
Carl: Apes. But they're not so big.
Mr. Burns: [about bringing Marge along on their voyage] What do you think, Smithers?
Smithers: I think women and sea men don't mix, sir.
Mr. Burns: We all know what you think.
Grandpa: That doll is evil I tells ya ... eeeeevil ... EEEEEEEEVIL!!!
Marge: Grandpa, you said that about all the presents.
Grandpa: I just want some attention.
Creepy shop owner: Take this object, but beware, it carries a terrible curse.
Homer: Ooooh, that's bad.
Creepy shop owner: But it comes with a free Frogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Creepy shop owner: The Frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Creepy shop owner: But you get your choice of topping!
Homer: That's good!
Creepy shop owner: The toppings contains Potassium Benzoate.
[Homer stares blankly.]
Creepy shop owner: That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?
Lisa: Do you remember why you entered me in the pageant?
Homer: I dunno. Was I drunk?
Lisa: Possibly.
: Lisa, I know a song that will cheer you up. [sings] There once was an ugly duckling...
Lisa: [frowning] So you think I'm ugly?!
Marge: No, I meant you were one of the good-looking ducks [looks uncertain] that makes fun of the ugly one. Mmmm...
Kent Brockman: The father of the deposed beauty queen, Homer Simpson, filled out the pageant application incorrectly. In the area under "do not write in this space" he wrote "OK."
• Vote for this Quote! • July 16th, 2007 [Lisa is upset by her ugly looks in a caricature.]
Homer: Oh, Lisa, this isn't real. It's just how you might look if you were a cartoon character.