The Simpsons Quotes (Page 9)
Marge: You know, I've never met your wife.
Fat Tony: Sadly, my Anna-Maria was whacked by natural causes.
Marge: Oohh, you're a widower.
Fat Tony: I bring flowers to her grave every Sunday
Marge: Ooooh, flowers every week! I wish I was dead.
Kirk Hammett: Hey, loser, we got a ride from a real fan!
Hans Moleman: I used to sleep with Lars' grandmother.
Robert Trujillo: Never listen to our music again! [Hans begins driving while Metallica starts to play Master of Puppets leaving Otto on the street stomping his hat]
Bart: Let me drive, I go through yellow lights.
• Vote for this Quote! • August 3rd, 2007Bart: Look at me, I'm Otto! I'm 100 years old and I drive a school bus! [drives very crazy]
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 3rd, 2007 Museum Curator: Uh, sorry folks, the weapons exhibit is now closed for the day.
Rod and Todd Flanders: Yay?
Museum Curator: Sorry, no "yays," but you can all feel free to enjoy the rest of the museum.
[Homer and Marge are in bed.]
Homer: So... do you wanna... "wang chung" tonight?
Marge: I don't know. I'm still frowny with you. Do you really think women are mentally inferior?
Homer [shifting his eyes nervously]: Well, uh, uh, honey, you're just as smart as a man. Sometimes when I'm with you, I feel like I'm doing it with a dude.
[Marge groans, then scene cuts to Homer sleeping on the couch]
Homer: Oh. Well, I won't be lonely. I can always cuddle with the dog. [cuddles Santa's Little Helper] Mmm. At least everyone knows I'm smarter than you!
[scene cuts to Homer sleeping in the doghouse]
Homer: Oh, how did this happen?
Lisa: Assistant Groundskeeper Skinner, don't you think it's wrong that I can't get the best math education because I'm a girl?
Skinner: [sighs] I don't have any opinions anymore. All I know is that no one is better than anyone else, and everyone is the best at everything.
Principal Skinner [phonily]: Am I wearing women's clothes? I didn't notice. When I look in my closet, I don't see male clothes or female clothes, they're all the same.
Edna Krabappel [arms crossed]: Are you saying that men and women are identical?
Skinner: Oh, no, of course not! Women are unique in every way.
Lindsay Nagel [arms crossed]: Now he's saying women and men aren't equal!
Skinner [getting nervous]: No, no, no! It's the differences...of which there are none, that make the sameness...exceptional! [desperately] Just tell me what to say!
[Skinner hyperventilates and faints]
Homer: I'm so bored that I have figured out where the wallpaper pattern repeats. See it goes ships wheel, Popeye tattoo, Gilligan hat, fish with boobs and back to ships wheel.
Lisa: What about this swordfish?
Homer: Oh my life's work ruined!
Smithers: (after Mr. Burns emerges from a basket) Why did you make an entrance like that, sir?
Mr. Burns: I'm a showman!