Two and a Half Men Quotes (Page 2)
Charlie: (reading Jake's test answers) What is Sacajawea? A bag full of Jawea.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 27th, 2007Charlie: Women are suckers for a good apology. Just keep shoveling it on till roses start growing in it.
Alan: Poor Satan. He'll come for your soul but he'll leave empty-handed.
Alan: I'm going to get Jake but I leave the front door unlocked in case Satan shows up to collect your soul.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 27th, 2007
Charlie: I want you to tell me there's no way either of us will have to call a woman I slept with, daddy.
Berta: One brother turns 'em gay, the other turns 'em guy.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 27th, 2007Charlie: I slept with a woman who wanted to be a man. Or, I slept with a man in a woman's body. Or, and this is my new favorite and the title of my autobiography, my mom and I slept with the same dude!
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 27th, 2007Alan: Well you know what, it doesn't matter if I look cool, we judge a person by what's inside, not by what they wear.
Jake: Lucky for you, huh.
Alan: Ok... ehm... Well, I'm thankful that I can spend the holiday with all the people I love and all the people who love me - and Judith.
• Rating 5.0 / 5 • Vote for this Quote! • August 27th, 2007Alan: Look, I appreciate your feelings for me, but I have to tell you, I really think your daughter deserves alot of respect. I mean it takes real courage to make changes in your life and not worry what everybody thinks.
Judith: Thank you Alan.
Evelyn: That's true. The lesbians of my generation were too scared to come out of the closet.
Lenore (Judith's mom):Does that mean what I think it means?
Alan: You haven't told them?
Judith: No. I thought it would be more appropriate coming from your mother.
Charlie: Look Jake, I'm sorry about the Wendy thing, but there's nothing I can do about it. And I want us to be buddies again. I don't want you to hate me anymore.
Jake: I don't hate you.
Charlie: Good.
Jake: I'm just very disappointed in you.
Charlie: Hey, I get enough of that crap from my mother.
