Weeds Quotes (Page 3)
Celia Hodes: [watching a video of her daughter] I should've had an abortion.
• Vote for this Quote! • August 27th, 2007Conrad Shepard: You calling black people stupid?
Nancy Botwin: And lazy... and they also steal.
Heylia James: Yeah, but we sings and we dances real good.
Shane Botwin: You can't miss the bear.
• Vote for this Quote! • August 27th, 2007 Nancy: I don’t give a flying f**k if you do have cancer. Put your tits away in front of my kid.
Celia: Sorry. I took a lude.
Celia: I was thinking of going bigger.
Nancy: Bigger?
Celia: Really big. Like freak show big. 47 triple Fs. So large that other smaller breasts will want to orbit them.
Celia: Is your mom home?
Shane: Not yet, she went to bail uncle Andy out of jail.
Celia: Well, tell her I stopped by.
Shane: Okay. I like your jacket.
Celia: Well, thank you, Shane. Everyone thinks I’ve lost my mind.
Shane: Everyone thinks I’m weird.
Celia: Well, I can see how you might give that impression.
Shane: I really don’t care what they think.
Celia: Good for you. Let your freak flag fly.
Shane: Really?
Celia: Really. I’ve recently stopped giving a s**t what anyone thinks and I gotta tell ya, I feel great.
Shane: But you have cancer.
Celia: And you have a dead father. Both of us make people really uncomfortable. There’s no way around it. So we can feel all self-conscious and pretend everything’s normal, or we can just be our strange selves.
Ms. Greenstein: All right, you asked for it, you get it. The lay of the land. Marijuana currently exists in the legal gray area, it’s not illegal to have weed, less than an ounce that is, but it’s illegal to buy it.
Nancy: What about growing?
Ms. Greenstein: Ah, botany. As long as it’s not broken down, non-specific weight, we’re talking a slap on the wrist, 3-5.
Nancy: Years?
Ms. Greenstein: Probation.
Nancy: So you can grow it, but you can’t break it down?
Ms. Greenstein: Not unless you wanna go to jail or flee to Mexico. Or Canada. Canada rocks. Primo weed, reeeaaalllly good Chinese food.
Nancy: Do you have a card? Because you never know in my business when you might need a lawyer.
Shane: I got sent to the school shrink. They’ll probably be calling you.
Nancy: Oh, not again, why this time.
Shane: I wrote a gangsta rap about killing Devon Rensler ... with my gatt.
Cop: Sir, you do realize you just rolled through a stop sign?
Andy: Nice bike. Did your horse die?
Cop: Sir –
Andy: You must be in killer shape. Let me see your quads man.
Cop: May I see your driver’s license and registration please.
Andy: When you arrest people do you ride ‘em in on your handlebars or do they just sit on the back with their arms around you?
Cop: Step out of the car.
Andy: Oh, come on. Seriously? I’m just having fun. You’re a cop in bike shorts. It’s adorable.
Cop: I have a gun.
Andy: Cool, I’m cool.
Maggie: Look who’s here everyone! It’s Celia.
Celia: Down, Maggie. I have cancer. I’m not retarded.