Tom Tucker: Our top story: the Clam's Head Pub has burned to the ground. Our own Tricia Takanawa is on the scene.
Tricia Takanawa: Is Quahog in the grip of a serial arsonist? Police say no, but our producer says yes. Here's an artist's depiction of what the arsonist might look like [cuts to a picture of a giant, fire-breathing, insect-like monster]. Anyone with information regarding this suspect should contact Quahog police immediately. One thing is certain: the pain here is palpable. For many, this charred portrait of Elizabeth II gives poignant new meaning to the phrase, "Hey, check out that flaming queen."
Tom Tucker: In a late-breaking development, the police have a new suspect. We now go live to Hispanic reporter, Maria...J-J-Jimen...
Diane Simmons: Jimenez.
Tom Tucker: I know what it is.
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Show: Family Guy
Episode: One If by Clam, Two If by Sea
Characters: Tom Tucker, Diane Simmons, Tricia Takanawa
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